The Truth

You’d keep on eating it even though you wished you didn’t,” said William. “What’s going on here?”
    “Look, I didn’t want to do it,” Dibbler protested.
    “Do what? ” said William.
    “Mr. Dibbler’s been writing those stories for the Inquirer ,” said Sacharissa.
    “I mean, no one believes what they read in the paper, right?” said Dibbler.
    William pulled up a chair and sat straddling it, resting his arms on the back.
    “So, Mr. Dibbler…when did you start pissing in the fountain of Truth?”
    “William!” snapped Sacharissa.
    “Look, times haven’t been good, see?” said Dibbler. “And I thought, this news business…well, people like to hear about stuff from a long way away, you know, like in the Almanacke—”
    “‘Plague of Giant Weasels in Hersheba’?” said William.
    “That’s the style. Well, I thought…it doesn’t sort of matter if they’re, you know, really true…I mean…” William’s glassy grin was beginning to make Dibbler uncomfortable. “I mean…they’re nearly true, aren’t they? Everyone knows that sort of thing happens…”
    “You didn’t come to me, ” said William.
    “Well, of course not. Everyone knows you’re a bit…a bit unimaginative about that sort of thing.”
    “You mean I like to know that things have actually happened?”
    “That’s it, yes. Mr. Carney says people won’t notice the difference anyway. He doesn’t like you very much, Mr. de Worde.”
    “He’s got wandering hands, ” said Sacharissa. “You can’t trust a man like that.”
    William pulled the latest copy of the Inquirer towards him and picked a story at random.
    “‘Man Stolen by Demons,’” he said. “This refers to Mr. Ronnie ‘Trust Me’ Begholder, known to owe Chrysoprase the troll more than two thousand dollars, last seen buying a very fast horse?”
    “Well?”
    “Where do the demons fit in?”
    “Well, he could’ve been stolen by demons,” said Dibbler. “It could happen to anybody.”
    “What you mean, then, is that there is no evidence that he wasn’t stolen by demons?”
    “That way people can make up their own minds,” said Dibbler. “That’s what Mr. Carney says. People should be allowed to choose, he said.”
    “To choose what’s true?”
    “He doesn’t clean his teeth properly, either,” said Sacharissa. “I mean, I’m not one of those people who think cleanliness is next to godliness, but there are limits. ” *
    Dibbler shook his head sadly. “I’m losin’ my touch,” he said. “Imagine…me, working for someone? I must’ve been mad. It’s the cold weather getting to me, that’s what it is. Even… wages ”—he said the word with a shudder—“looked attractive. D’you know,” he added, in a horrified voice, “he was telling me what to do? Next time I’ll have a quiet lie-down until the feeling goes away.”
    “You are an immoral opportunist, Mr. Dibbler,” said William.
    “It’s worked so far.”
    “Can you sell some advertising for us?” said Sacharissa.
    “I’m not going to work for anyone ag—”
    “On commission,” snapped Sacharissa.
    “What? You want to employ him?” said William.
    “Why not? You can tell as many lies as you like if it’s advertising . That’s allowed,” said Sacharissa. “Please? We need the money!”
    “Commission, eh?” said Dibbler, rubbing his unshaven chin. “Like…fifty percent for you two and fifty percent for me, too?”
    “ We’ll discuss it, shall we?” said Goodmountain, patting him on the shoulder. Dibbler winced. When it came to hard bargaining, dwarfs were diamond-tipped.
    “Have I got a choice?” he mumbled.
    Goodmountain leaned forward. His beard was bristling. He wasn’t currently holding a weapon but Dibbler could see, as it were, the great big ax that wasn’t there.
    “ Absolutely ,” he said.
    “Oh,” said Dibbler. “So…what would I be selling, exactly?”
    “Space,” said Sacharissa.
    Dibbler beamed again. “Just space? Nothing? Oh, I can do that . I can sell nothing like anything! ” He shook his head sadly. “It’s only when I try to sell something that everything goes wrong.”
    “How did you come to be here, Mr. Dibbler?” William asked.
    He was not happy with the answer.
    “That sort of thing could work both ways,” he said. “You can’t just dig into other people’s property!” He glared at the dwarfs. “Mr. Boddony, I want that hole blocked up right now, understand?”
    “We only—”
    “Yes, yes,