The Vincent Boys 01 - The Vincent Boys

and I need to talk and I don’t want you here.” Turning back to see Beau’s reaction was tempting but I didn’t do it. Instead I kept my eyes on Sawyer, praying silently that Beau heeded my orders and left. It was time I finished this and saved their friendship before it was too late.
    “I don’t want to leave you alone,” he replied with steel laced through his words.
    “Beau, please. You aren’t helping matters. Just go.”
    Sawyer never took his eyes off me. He was trying so hard to read between the lines. I would have to tell him some truths. But just enough to keep from destroying his relationship with Beau.
    The crunch of the dry grass under Beau’s boots told me he’d granted my wish and was headed for his truck. I’d won that battle. Now, the biggest one was staring me in the face and I had no idea what I was going to say.

Chapter 19
    “Start at the beginning, Ash, and tell me everything.”
    There was no way I’d tell him everything. I stared out at the road as Beau’s truck drove away. The silence was deafening as Sawyer waited for me to speak.
    “This summer, Beau and I rekindled our friendship. We were close once, Sawyer, you know that.” I paused and took a deep breath. “He understands me. He knows when I’m full of bull crap and he knows I’m not perfect even though I try really hard to be. With Beau I can let myself go and not worry about losing his friendship.”
    “So, this is a friends thing? Because the way he was caressing your mouth and eating you up with his eyes I find that a little hard to believe.”
    “All it can ever be with Beau is friendship. He knows that. Beau is affectionate. He touches a lot of girls’ lips.”
    Sawyer raised his eyebrows as if he thought what I was saying was ludicrous.
    “I don’t know if we’re talking about the same guy but Beau, my cousin Beau, doesn’t longingly gaze at anyone the way I just caught him staring at you. You’re too naive to see it but trust me, baby, he wants you and I’m going to kick his ass.”
    Okay, that wasn’t what I’d been aiming for. Blame on me not Beau. I needed to redirect this anger of his.
    “You misunderstood what you saw. He was trying to talk me out of what I’d decided to do today. He believes you and I are supposed to be forever. I don’t think so. We’re young and I need space. I’m not ready to talk about marrying you one day. That scares me. There is so much life out there to live first. Beau thinks I’m making a mistake because he thinks you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. What you saw was your cousin trying to persuade me not to break up with you.”
    The look of disbelief and shock that came over Sawyer’s face was a little insulting. Why was it so hard for him to believe I’d break up with him?
    “You, you’re . . . breaking up with me?” He shook his head and stepped back away from me. His face had gone pale as if I’d just told him he’d never play football again. This wasn’t the end of the world.
    “I pretend with you, Sawyer. I’m not the good girl you think I am. You love this fake Ashton. I’ve been striving to be worthy of you for so long and I’m exhausted. I don’t like returning the stupid buggies to the return place in the parking lot and I don’t like feeling as if I have to be good Samaritan to everyone I come across. Sometimes I just want to run off and worry about ME. I’m selfish and ornery and just a big ol’ fake. This girl you love and want to marry doesn’t exist.”
    It was as if a weight had just been lifted off my shoulders. The air rushed into my lungs and for the first time in three years I took a deep breath.
    “That’s crazy,” Sawyer said, shaking his head. I was so close to freedom now I could taste it. Standing here and listening to him try to convince me I didn’t know what I was talking about annoyed me. But I could control this now. The real Ashton had a backbone.
    “No, it’s the truth. I want to go parking and make out so heavy my bra gets lost under the seat of the car. I want to flip Nicole a bird when she glares at me in the hallways at school. And I want to wear my red bikini and enjoy the fact guys are checking me out. I’m not who you think I am. I never was and I never will be.”
    I closed the space between us and stood on my tippy toes and placed a quick peck on his cheek. The familiar smell of his cologne caused my chest to tighten with emotion. I’d miss him but not enough to be someone else