The Warded Man

time , she thought. Those men are dead and gone, and he can erase their mark from me, as well. I do this because I choose it .
    But she was afraid. Jizell was right , she thought. I never should have waited this long. I don’t know what to do. Everyone thinks I know what to do and I don’t and he’s going to expect me to know because I’m an Herb Gatherer …
    Oh, Creator, what if I can’t please him? she worried. What if he tells someone?
    She forced the thought from her head. He’ll never tell. That’s why it has to be him. It’s meant to be him. He’s just like me. An outsider. He’s walked the same road .
    She fumbled with his robes, untying the loincloth he wore beneath and releasing him. He groaned as she took him in her hand and pulled.
    He knows I was a virgin , she reminded herself, hiking her skirts. He is hard and I am wet and what else is there to know?
    “What if I get you with child?” he whispered.
    “I hope you do,” she whispered back, taking him and pulling him inside her.
    What else is there to know? she thought again, and her back arched in pleasure.
    Shock hit the Warded Man as Leesha kissed him. It had been only moments since he admired her thighs, but he had never dreamed she might share the attraction. That any woman would.
    He stiffened momentarily, paralyzed, but as always when he was in need, his body took over for him, wrapping her in a crushing embrace and returning the kiss hungrily.
    How long since he had last been kissed? How long since that night he had walked Mery home and been told she could never be a Messenger’s wife?
    Leesha fumbled with his robes, and he knew that she meant to take things further than he had ever gone before. Fear gripped him, an unfamiliar feeling. He had no idea what to do; how to please a woman. Was she expecting him to have the experience she lacked? Was she counting that his skill in battle would translate here as well?
    But perhaps it would, for even as his thoughts raced, his body continued of its own accord, acting on instincts ingrained into every living thing since the dawn of time. The same instincts that called him to fight.
    But this wasn’t some battle. This was something else.
    Is she the one? the thought echoed in his head.
    Why her, and not Renna? If he had been anyone other thanwho he was, he would have been married almost fifteen years now, raising a host of children. Not for the first time, an image flashed in his mind of what Renna might look like now, in the full flower of her womanhood, his and his only.
    Why her, and not Mery? Mery, whom he would have married, had she consented to be a Messenger’s wife. He would have tied himself to Miln for love, just as Ragen had. He would have been better off if he had married Mery. He saw that now. Ragen was right. He had Elissa …
    An image of Elissa flashed in his mind as he pulled the top of Leesha’s dress down, exposing her soft breasts. The time he’d seen Elissa free her breast to nurse Marya, and wished just for a moment that he could suckle there rather than the child. He had felt ashamed afterward, but that image always remained fresh in his mind.
    Was Leesha the one meant for him? Did such a thing exist? He would have scoffed at the notion an hour ago, but he looked at Leesha, so beautiful and so willing, so understanding of who he was. She would understand if he was clumsy, if he didn’t know quite where to touch or how to stroke. A muddy bit of ground in the predawn light was no fit marriage bed, but at the moment it seemed better than the feathered mattress in Ragen’s manse.
    But doubt niggled at him.
    It was one thing to risk himself in the night; he had nothing left to lose, no one left to mourn him. If he died, he would not fill so much as a single tear bottle. But could he take those risks, if Leesha was waiting for him in safe succor? Would he give up the fight; become like his father? Become so accustomed to hiding that he could not stand up for his own?
    Children need their father , he heard Elissa say.
    “What if I get you with child?” he whispered between kisses, not knowing what he wanted her to say.
    “I hope you do,” she whispered back.
    She pulled at him, threatening to pull apart his entire world, but she was offering something more, and he grasped at it.
    And then he was inside her, and he felt whole.
    For a moment, there was nothing in the world but the pounding of blood and the slide of skin on skin; their bodies easily managing the task