Thief of Time

how it used to be, Your Reverence. You recall? Master and pupil go out into the world, where the pupil may pick up practical instruction by precept and example, and then the pupil finds his own Way and at the end of his Way—”
    “—he finds himself bdum ,” said the abbot.
    “First, he finds a teacher,” said Lu-Tze.
    “He is lucky that you will bdumbdum be that teacher.”
    “Reverend Sir,” said Lu-Tze, “it is in the nature of Ways that none can be sure who the teacher may be. All I can do is show him a path.”
    “Which will be in the direction of bdum the city,” said the abbot.
    “Yes,” said Lu-Tze. “And Ankh-Morpork is a long way from Uberwald. You won’t send me to Uberwald because I am an old man. So, in all respect, I beg you to humor an old man.”
    “I have no choice, when you put it like that,” said the abbot.
    “Reverend Sir—” began Rinpo, who felt that he did.
    The spoon was banged on the tray again. “Lu-Tze is a man of high reputation!” the abbot shouted. “I trust him implicitly to do the correct action! I just wish I could blumblum trust him to do what I blumblum want! I have forbidden him to go to Uberwald! Now do you wish me to forbid him not to go to Uberwald! BIKKIT! I have spoken! And now, will all you gentlemen be so good as to leave. I have urgent business to attend to.”
    Lu-Tze bowed and grabbed Lobsang’s arm. “Come on, lad!” he whispered. “Let’s bugger off quick before anyone works it out!”
    On the way out they passed a lesser acolyte carrying a small potty with a pattern of bunny rabbits around it.
    “It’s not easy, reincarnating,” said Lu-Tze, running down the corridor. “Now we’ve got to be out of here before someone gets any funny ideas, lad. Grab your bag and bedroll!”
    “But no one would countermand the abbot’s orders, would they?” said Lobsang, as they skidded around a corner.
    “Ha! It’ll be his nap in ten minutes and if they give him a new toy when he wakes up he might end up being so busy banging square green pegs into round blue holes that he’ll forget what he said,” said Lu-Tze. “Politics, lad. Too many idiots will start saying what they’re sure the abbot would have meant . Off you go, now. I’ll see you in the Garden of Five Surprises in one minute.”
    When Lobsang arrived, Lu-Tze was carefully tying one of the bonsai mountains into a bamboo framework. He fastened the last knot and placed it in a bag over one shoulder.
    “Won’t it get damaged?” said Lobsang.
    “It’s a mountain. How can it get damaged?” Lu-Tze picked up his broom. “And we’ll just drop in and have a chat with an old mate of mine before we leave, though. Maybe we’ll pick up some stuff.”
    “What’s going on, Sweeper?” said Lobsang, trailing after him.
    “Well, it’s like this, lad. Me and the abbot and the bloke we’re going to see, we go back a long way. Things are a bit different now. The abbot can’t just say ‘Lu-Tze, you are an old rogue, it was you that put the idea of Uberwald into everyone’s heads in the first place, but I see you’re onto something so off you go and follow your nose.’”
    “But I thought he was the supreme ruler!”
    “Exactly! And it’s very hard to get things done when you’re a supreme ruler. There’s too many people in the way, mucking things up. This way, the new lads can have fun running around Uberwald going ‘Hai!’ and we , my lad, will be heading for Ankh-Morpork. The abbot knows that. Almost knows that.”
    “How do you know the new clock is being built in Ankh-Morpork?” said Lobsang trailing behind Lu-Tze as he took a mossy, sunken path that led through rhododendron thickets to the monastery wall.
    “I know. I’ll tell you, the day someone pulls the plug out of the bottom of the universe, the chain will lead all the way to Ankh-Morpork and some bugger saying ‘I just wanted to see what would happen.’ All roads lead to Ankh-Morpork.”
    “I thought all roads led away from Ankh-Morpork.”
    “Not the way we’re going. Ah, here we are…”
    Lu-Tze knocked at the door of a rough but large shed built right up against the wall. At the same moment there was an explosion within and someone—Lobsang corrected himself— half of someone tumbled very fast out of the unglazed window beside it and hit the path with bone-cracking force. Only when it stopped rolling did he realize that it was a wooden dummy in a monk’s robe.
    “Qu’s having fun, I see,” said