This Girl: A Novel

figured out someone for Layken.”
    When Eddie says her name, I immediately shift in my chair. So does Gavin.
    “I think I’m gonna try to get Nick to ask her out,” she says, thinking aloud.
    Before Gavin can respond, the sac is called to the stage. I’m relieved the subject is off the table now, but I can’t deny the twinge of jealousy that just made its way into my stomach.
    What did I expect would be the outcome of all this? Of course she’s going to date other people. She’s got her entire senior year of school left; it would be crazy if she didn’t date. But still, it doesn’t mean I’ll be happy when she does.
    “I’ll be back,” I say, excusing myself from the table. It’s been five minutes and I already need a breather from Eddie.
    When I return from the bathroom, the sac has already finished performing. As soon as I sit back down, the emcee calls me to the stage to perform first.
    “Break a leg,” Gavin says when I stand back up.
    “That’s theater, Gavin,” Eddie says, hitting him on the arm.
    I ascend the steps and take my place in front of the microphone. I’ve noticed in the past that if I concentrate and really put my emotions into writing, performing can actually be therapeutic. I really need to find some relief after all that’s happened this week.
    “My piece is called This Girl.” I do my best to avoid Gavin’s glare, but it’s obvious by his expression that he knows the poem is about Lake as soon as the title passes my lips. I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath, then begin.
    I dreamt about this girl last night.
    Wow .
    This girl.
    In my dream I was standing on the edge of a cliff
    Looking down over a vast, barren valley below
    I wasn’t wearing any shoes and the rocks were crumbling beneath my toes .
    It would have been so easy to take a step back,
    To move away from the ledge ,
    Away from a certain inevitable life that had somehow been determined for me
    a life that had somehow become my only option.
    It had been my life for two years and I accepted that.
    I had not embraced it,
    But I had accepted it.
    It was where I belonged.
    As much as it didn’t appeal to me, as much as I yearned for the rivers and mountains and trees ,
    As much as I yearned to hear their songs . . .
    To hear their . . . poetry ?
    It was apparent that what I yearned for
    wasn’t decided by me . . .
    it was decided for me.
    So . . . I did the only thing I could do.
    The only thing I should do.
    I prepared myself to embrace this life.
    I sucked it up and took a deep breath. I placed my hands on the edge of the cliff and began to lower myself onto the rocks protruding from the edge . I burrowed my fingers deep into the crevices and slowly began lowering myself down .
    Down into the vast ,
    barren
    valley
    that had become
    my
    life .
    But then . . .
    Then this girl . . .
    Holy hell , this girl . . .
    She appeared out of nowhere , standing directly in front of me on the edge of that cliff . She looked down at me with her sad eyes that ran a million miles deep . . .
    and she smiled at me.
    This girl smiled at me.
    A look that cut straight to my core and pierced through my heart like a million of Cupid’s arrows,
    One right on top of the other , on top of the other , on top of the other
    Straight . . .
    Into . . .
    My heart . . .
    Now this is the part of the dream where most girls would bend down and grab my hands , telling me not to go . . . not to do it. This is the part of the dream where most girls would grab my wrists and brace themselves with their feet as they pulled me up with every ounce of strength in their being . This is the part of the dream where most girls would scream at the top of their lungs for help, doing anything and everything they could to save me . . .
    To rescue me
    from that
    vast,
    barren
    valley
    below.
    But this girl.
    This girl wasn’t most girls.
    This girl . . .
    This girl did something even better .
    First, she sat down on the edge of the cliff and kicked off her shoes and we both watched as they fell and fell and fell and continued to fall until they landed in a heap . One shoe right on top of the other in that vast, barren valley below .
    Then she slid a rubber band off her wrist ,
    Reached behind her . . .
    And pulled her hair
    into a knot .
    And then this girl
    This girl . . .
    She placed her hands right next to mine on the edge of that cliff and she slowly began to lower herself off of it. She poked her bare feet into whatever crevice she could find next to