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Tony Hill u Carol Jordan 08 - Cross and Burn

Tony Hill u Carol Jordan 08 - Cross and Burn

Titel: Tony Hill u Carol Jordan 08 - Cross and Burn Kostenlos Bücher Online Lesen
Autoren: Val McDermid
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aware of the media coverage and had left a message of support. Which, in the terms of their relationship, had been the equivalent of shouting, ‘Oi, get your arse down here, pronto.’
    But he was here now, and that was what mattered. Today, he’d chosen the armchair rather than the chaise longue. Jacob sat across from him, long legs crossed, an elegant notebook open on his lap, Mont Blanc pen lying in the crack between the thick cream pages. ‘How are you?’ It was the question that always began their sessions. Unless Jacob had been living on a desert island with no access to the electronic media, he had to have a pretty good idea, given the coverage of the recent events in his life.
    ‘Well, let me see.’ Tony steepled his fingers in front of his chest. ‘BMP decided they no longer need my services, my new home was burned to the ground, people died because I wasn’t good enough at my job and Carol walked out of my life because she needs someone to blame for her brother’s murder and in her head, I’m that someone. By the same argument, another colleague would have grounds for blaming me for the fact that she’s been blinded and disfigured for life from acid burns, but she’s forgiven me and I’m not sure, but that almost feels worse. I’m living on a boat with my books in storage, but on the positive side, one of my former police colleagues came round last night looking for my insights. Apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?’ His tone was light but he knew that wouldn’t fool Jacob. Hell, it wouldn’t fool a block of wood.
    ‘And which item in this catalogue of disaster is the one that costs you most peace of mind, would you say?’
    The trick with these sessions, Tony had found, was to try to answer without pausing for thought. His discomfort generally came from thinking too much. Trying something different was one of the reasons for supervision. So he replied at once. ‘Carol. I failed her. And she’s out of my life. I don’t even know where she’s living. What she’s doing to get through the days. And I miss her. Every single day, I miss her.’
    ‘What makes you think you failed her?’
    ‘I’m supposed to be able to work out what’s going on inside the heads of people with aberrant minds. But on this case, I was thinking in straight lines. It’s as if I forgot I was dealing with someone whose defining characteristic was wrong-footing everyone around him. I didn’t explore the possibilities properly. I had half my mind on other things and I didn’t drill down deep enough. And people died. Among them Carol’s brother and his partner.’ Tony hung his head, the sense of failure as vivid as it had been at the time. ‘If I’d been rigorous, they would have been warned. And the chances are, they’d be alive today.’
    ‘You know this is magical thinking, don’t you? You’re claiming control over circumstances you can’t control.’
    ‘Don’t, Jacob. Don’t try and get me to let myself off the hook. I know I didn’t do my job well enough. I’m not looking for excuses. I’m looking for a way to move forward from the consequences.’
    Jacob picked up his pen and made a short note. Just a few words. ‘To move forward, you have to accept the truth of a situation. Not persist in myth-making. Wouldn’t you say?’
    ‘It’s not myth-making. It’s acknowledging failure.’
    Jacob’s considering expression didn’t alter. ‘He was a clever man, your opponent?’
    ‘Yes. An exemplar of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. An arch-manipulator.’
    ‘So, a man perfectly capable of second-guessing whatever tactics you might have chosen to employ against him?’
    Tony gripped the arms of his chair. ‘Maybe. You’re saying he would have found a way to circumvent whatever defences I’d constructed?’
    ‘He had the advantage. He was working in the shadows. In the interstices. It’s impossible to guard against someone like that if they are clever enough and determined enough. He was determined to have his revenge. Or so it seems to me. Does it seem so to you?’
    It was an invitation to a shift of perspective. Tony wanted to grasp it, but that very desire made him suspicious. ‘I think I should have stopped him.’
    ‘You don’t think you might be taking responsibility for the actions of another?’
    ‘I know I didn’t kill Michael and Lucy. I know I have no direct responsibility for what happened. But I can’t escape the indirect responsibility. It’s

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