Too Much Happiness

he said.
    “On the street?”
    “What better place for it? On the street. And we go in some pubs that we have an understanding with, though it is against the law.”
    “You do that too?”
    “I could hardly ask them to do it if I wouldn’t. That’s something I had to overcome. Just about all of us have something to overcome. It can be shame. Or it can be the concept of ‘mine.’ When somebody drops in a ten-dollar bill or even a loonie, that’s when the private ownership kicks in. Whose is it, huh? Mine or-skip a beat-ours? If the answer comes mine it usually gets spent right away and we have the person coming back smelling of booze and saying, I don’t know what’s the matter with me today, I couldn’t get a bite. Then they might start to feel bad later and confess. Or not confess, never mind. We see them disappear for days-weeks-then show up back here when the going gets too rough. And sometimes you’ll see them working the street on their own, never letting on they recognize you. Never come back. And that’s all right. They’re our graduates, you could say. If you believe in the system.”
    “ Kent -”
    “Around here I’m Jonah.”
    “Jonah?”
    “I just chose it. I thought of Lazarus, but it’s too self-dramatizing. You can call me Kent if you like.”
    “I want to know what’s happened in your life. I mean not so much these people-”
    “These people are my life.”
    “I knew you’d say that.”
    “Okay, it was kind of smart-arse. But this-this is what I’ve been doing for-seven years? Nine years. Nine years.”
    She persisted. “Before that?”
    “What do I know? Before that? Before that. Man’s days are like grass, eh? Cut down and put into the oven. Listen to me. Soon as I meet you again I start the showing off. Cut down and put in the oven-I’m not interested in that. I live each day as it happens. Really. You wouldn’t understand that. I’m not in your world, you’re not in mine-you know why I wanted to meet you here today?”
    “No. I didn’t think of it. I mean, I thought naturally maybe the time had come-”
    “Naturally. When I saw about my father’s death in the paper I naturally thought, Well, where is the money? I thought, Well, she can tell me.”
    “It went to me,” said Sally, with flat disappointment but great self-control. “For the time being. The house as well, if you’re interested.”
    “I thought likely that was it. That’s okay.”
    “When I die, to Peter and his boys and Savanna.”
    “Very nice.”
    “He didn’t know if you were alive or dead-”
    “You think I’m asking for myself? You think I’m that much of an idiot to want the money for myself? But I did make a mistake thinking how I could use it. Thinking family money, sure, I can use that. That’s the temptation. Now I’m glad, I’m glad I can’t have it.”
    “I could let-”
    “The thing is, though, this place is condemned-”
    “I could let you borrow.”
    “Borrow? We don’t borrow around here. We don’t use the borrow system around here. Excuse me, I’ve got to go get hold of my mood. Are you hungry? Would you like some soup?”
    “No thanks.”
    When he was gone she thought of running away. If she could locate a back door, a route that didn’t go through the kitchen. But she could not do it, because it would mean she would never see him again. And the backyard of a house like this, built before the days of automobiles, would have no access to the street.
    It was maybe half an hour before he came back. She had not worn her watch. Thinking maybe a watch was out of favor in the life he lived and being right, it seemed. Right at least about that.
    He seemed a little surprised or bewildered to find her still there.
    “Sorry. I had to settle some business. And then I talked to Marnie, she always calms me down.”
    “You wrote a letter to us?” Sally said. “It was the last we heard from you.”
    “Oh, don’t remind me.”
    “No, it was a good letter. It was a good attempt to explain what you were thinking.”
    “Please. Don’t remind me.”
    “You were trying to figure out your life-”
    “My life, my life, my progress, what all I could discover about my stinking self. Purpose of me. My crap. My spirituality. My intellectuality. There isn’t any inside stuff, Sally. You don’t mind if I call you Sally? It just comes out easier. There is only outside, what you do, every moment of your life. Since I realized this I’ve been happy.”
    “You are?