TOYL

‘before I call the police.’

16

    For a few seconds father and son just eyed each other across the hospital bed. Will was still trying to catch his breath, relieved that his worst fears hadn’t been realised. He looked at his father, who was dressed in fashionable clothes that to Will looked more suitable for a twenty-something than a man of nearly sixty. And then there was his new, trendy pop-star haircut – close-cropped and messy. His dad did look a lot better than during those final years of his mother’s life, whilst she had battled through cancer. Will wished he could have been happy that he had found a new lease of life, but just couldn’t.
    ‘I thought I’d come and see how things were going,’ his father, Edward Holden explained, finally answering his son’s question. ‘The nurse told me that Richard hasn’t improved.’
    ‘He might never wake up,’ Will said, regretting his choice of words as he remembered what the nurse had told them about always being positive in front of the patient. ‘Although a lot of people do recover, so we shouldn’t give up hope,’ he added, for Richard’s benefit.
    ‘I was worried about you too,’ Edward added, ‘after what you said on the phone. You sounded really upset.’
    ‘Just not worried enough to come and see me?’ Will surprised himself at the bitterness in his voice. ‘I needed your support; you had to be able to see that.’
    Edward smiled ruefully, just as the door to the room flew open.
    ‘It’s okay,’ Edward said to the nurse as she raced into the room. ‘He’s my son.’
    Will turned and smiled apologetically. The nurse scowled back, obviously not happy at the way he had just barged into the room without asking permission first. And he could understand that. You couldn’t be too careful these days.
    ‘You can stay,’ she said, ‘but next time can you please report to the desk. I don’t appreciate having to chase people through my ward.’
    ‘Of course,’ Will said, ’I’m really sorry.’
    ‘Well, I’ll leave you to it,’ the nurse said, unable to manage a smile. She closed the door, leaving Will with his father.
    ‘Will,’ Edward said, as they both looked at Richard. ‘I’m your father, and you know that I’d do anything for you. But you’ve got to understand that I can’t just come running all the time. I have my own life.’
    ‘Yes, with your girlfriend.’
    Edward was now living with a woman nearly thirty years his junior. She was a doctor, and they’d actually met when he had been visiting his wife, their mother, as she was dying of cancer in hospital. The thought of romance blooming over the bedside, as their mother was pumped high with morphine, never failed to make Will furious. He suspected that the relationship had begun even before his mum had taken her last breath, although Edward always denied that was the case. His story was that they had met by chance some months later, and had struck up a friendship that was never meant to get more serious than that. Since she’d moved into the house eleven months ago Will hadn’t visited, unable to stomach seeing someone his own age taking the place of his mother.
    ‘Look, William,’ Edward said, ignoring the jibe, ‘I’ve done my best to help you, but I never wanted any of this.’
    ‘You still resent me burdening you with my situation,’ Will spat. ‘You’d have been happier if I’d never told you.’
    ‘I’d have been happier if none of it had happened,’ Edward admitted, ‘but it did, and we have to make the best of it. I admit that sometimes I wish you hadn’t told me.’
    ‘But you’re my dad. Who else was I going to turn to?’
    ‘You could have spoken with Lucy, instead of pushing her away.’
    ‘She would never have understood. How could she?’
    ‘She was a lovely girl. And she really cared for you, William. Maybe you underestimated her.’
    ‘I couldn’t have dragged her into it. Letting her go was the best thing for her.’
    ‘Maybe you’re right,’ Edward said. He seemed to study Will’s face, searching for something. ‘You don’t look well,’ he added, noting the dark lines under his son’s eyes like smudged mascara, and the bloodshot eyes. ‘Are you sleeping?’
    ‘Not really.’
    ‘The nightmares are starting again?’
    ‘They never really went away,’ Will revealed. ‘But they’re getting worse again, yes. This has brought it all back. They don’t feel like dreams – it feels real. I dream of the same thing