TOYL

over and over again.’
    He hated the way he felt so needy when he was with his father, like a little boy longing for everything to be made all right. But he’d learnt from bitter experience that there were some troubles that parents couldn’t just take away.
    ‘Why did you come here, Will?’
    ‘What? To see Richard, of course.’
    ‘You burst in here like your life depended on it. You were out of breath, you’ve obviously been running, and you didn’t stop when the nurse asked you to. Why?’
    ‘I thought he might be here,’ admitted Will, feeling foolish now at his paranoia. ‘I thought he might try and finish off the job.’
    ‘What made you think that?’
    ‘I went round to his flat,’ Will explained. ‘I’d tried to call him, to ask if he had anything to do with what happened, but he wasn’t answering his mobile or home phone. Then I found out that he’s just moved, to a really deprived area south of the river. He’s living in this really horrible block of flats. I think it might all be connected. Maybe it’s all part of a plan and I’m going to get a call from him soon.’
    ‘You didn’t speak with him?’
    ‘He wasn’t there. A neighbour said he was at the hospital visiting someone, and I just put two and two together.’
    ‘Trying to contact him was not a good idea,’ Edward said, glancing through the window as a nurse passed by. ‘The police are looking into this. Let them get on with their job – it’s what they’re paid to do, and I’m sure they’ll find out who did this. In the meantime, concentrate on looking after your sister. She’ll be going through a worse time than you, Will, believe me.’
    ‘They’re convinced it’s Dan,’ Will said. ‘But they don’t know the full story. I should have shown them the photograph.’
    ‘You’re jumping to conclusions. Apart from the photo, of which there could be other explanations, there’s nothing else to suggest he has anything to do with it. How long is it since you last heard from him?’
    ‘Eleven months, two days,’ Will replied without hesitation.
    ‘Jesus, Will, you’ve got to stop this.’
    Will turned away from his father and watched Richard, willing him to open his eyes. Then, in that split second, he realised that if Richard did wake, and his suspicions were true, it could be the end for him.
    ‘You know what I think?’ Edward continued. ‘This is all part of your guilt trip. You’re desperate to blame yourself for what has happened, but think about it, if it was him, why attack Dan’s brother? He’s got nothing to do with it.’
    ‘I should have gone to the police in the first place,’ Will stated, as he continued to ponder the possible ramifications of Richard’s recovery. ‘I should have told them everything right at the beginning. But I’m a coward.’
    ‘You’re not a coward.’ Edward dismissed the statement. ‘I don’t want to hear you talking about yourself like that. It won’t help the situation one bit.’
    ‘Oh, I am a coward, Dad.’ Will faced up to him across Richard’s bed. ‘I thought you would have known that by now. Or are you still in denial at the way the son of the great Edward Holden has turned out?’
    ‘Don’t be stupid, William.’
    ‘I mean it, Dad. Emma is out there, desperate to know what happened to Dan, and maybe, just maybe, I can do something about it. But I’m too busy worrying about myself. and how it will affect me.’
    ‘You’re being too hard on yourself.’
    ‘Dad, how can you say that after what I’ve done?’
    Edward moved around the bedside and placed a hand on Will’s shoulder. ‘William, you found yourself in a situation and you made a mistake. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.’
    ‘But I deserve to be punished.’
    ‘You have been punished. You’ve been punishing yourself for years now. Your life is falling apart, and you’re just standing there letting it happen. But it’s got to stop, before you lose everything and everyone.’
    ‘I’ve been having thoughts recently, about whether it’s worth going on living,’ admitted Will.
    Edward exhaled, rubbing at his newly grown beard. ‘Have you given any more thought to seeing a counsellor?’
    ‘I can’t. You need to be open and honest for those things to work. You can’t go in there, keep a secret like mine and expect to come out cured.’
    ‘Then you’ve just got to work through this. But please, Will, try and move on, for all our