Treasures Lost, Treasures Found

wasn’t certain she could ask for love again from anyone else.
    Ky held her, lowering her onto the bench as he cradled her in his lap. He couldn’t offer her words of comfort. They were the most difficult words for him to come by. He could only offer her a place to weep, and silence.
    As the tears began to pass, she kept her face against his shoulder. There was such simplicity there, though it came from a man of complications. Such gentleness, though it sprang from a restless nature. “I couldn’t mourn for him before,” she murmured. “I’m not sure why.”
    “You don’t have to cry to mourn.”
    “Maybe not,” she said wearily. “I don’t know. But it’s true, what you said. I’ve wanted to do all this for him because he’ll never have the chance to finish what he started. I don’t know if you can understand, but I feel ifI do this I’ll have done everything I could. For him, and for myself.”
    “Kate.” Ky tipped back her head so he could see her face. Her eyes were puffy, rimmed with red. “I don’t have to understand. I just have to love you.”
    He felt her stiffen in his arms and immediately cursed himself. Why was it he never said things to her the way they should be said? Sweetly, calmly, softly. She was a woman who needed soft words, and he was a man who always struggled with them.
    She didn’t move, and for a long, long moment, they stayed precisely as they were.
    “Do you?” she managed after a moment.
    “Do I what?”
    Would he make her drag it from him? “Love me?”
    “Kate.” Frustrated, he drew away from her. “I don’t know how else to show you. You want bouquets of flowers, bottles of French champagne, poems? Damn it, I’m not made that way.”
    “I want a straight answer.”
    He let out a short breath. Sometimes her very calmness drove him to distraction. “I’ve always loved you. I’ve never stopped.”
    That went through her, sharp, hot, with a mixture of pain and pleasure she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with. Slowly, she rose out of his arms, and walking across the deck, looked out to sea. The buoys that marked the site bobbed gently. Why were there no buoys in life to show you the way?
    “You never told me.”
    “Look, I can’t even count the number of women I’ve said it to.” When she turned back with her brow raised, he rose, uncomfortable. “It was easy to say it to them because it didn’t mean anything. It’s a hell of a lot harder to get the words out when you mean them, and when you’re afraid someone’s going to back away from you the minute you do.”
    “I wouldn’t have done that.”
    “You backed away, you went away for four years, when I asked you to stay.”
    “You asked me to stay,” she reminded him. “You asked me not to go back to Connecticut, but to move in with you. Just like that. No promises, no commitment, no sign that you had any intention of building a life with me. I had responsibilities.”
    “To do what your father wanted you to do.”
    She swallowed that. It was true in its way. “All right, yes. But you never said you loved me.”
    He came closer. “I’m telling you now.”
    She nodded, but her heart was in her throat. “And I’m not backing away. I’m just not sure I can take the next step. I’m not sure you can either.”
    “You want a promise.”
    She shook her head, not certain what she’d do if indeed he gave her one. “I want time, for both of us. It seems we both have a lot of thinking to do.”
    “Kate.” Impatient, he came to her, taking her hands.They trembled. “Some things you don’t have to think about. Some things you can think about too much.”
    “You’ve lived your life a certain way a long time, and I mine,” she said quickly. “Ky, I’ve just begun to change—to feel the change. I don’t want to make a mistake, not with you. It’s too important. With time—”
    “We’ve lost four years,” he interrupted. He needed to resolve something, he discovered, and quickly. “I can’t wait any longer to hear it if it’s inside you.”
    Kate let out the breath she’d been holding. If he could ask, she could give. It would be enough. “I love you, Ky. I never stopped either. I never told you when I should have.”
    He felt the weight drain from his body as he cupped her face. “You’re telling me now.”
    It was enough.

Chapter 11
    L ove. Kate had read hundreds of poems about that one phenomenon. She’d read, analyzed and taught from countless novels where love was