Tricked

everyone flinched, startled by the noise and the direction it came from. I didn’t hesitate once I saw the skinwalker silhouetted against the dark cobalt of the starlit sky; I threw the javelin straight up, hoping it would connect, then reached back to draw Moralltach from its sheath.
    The javelin flew true, but the skinwalker was so fast that it was able to jerk back and take it in the shoulder joint instead of the middle of the chest. My boosted strength served me well; the javelin plowed straight through to the other side, no doubt ruining the skinwalker’s shoulder, and the impact bowled him backward off the roof. He shrieked as he fell. He missed the ward of the Blessing Way, unfortunately, but I figured neither of them would view attacking the roof as a good idea anymore.
    › Heh. I think you made your point, Atticus. ‹
    Gods Below, Oberon, that was horrendous! You just violated the Schwarzenegger Pun Reduction Treaty of 2010 .
    › What? No, that didn’t qualify! ‹
    Yes, it did. Any pun relating to a weapon’s destructive capabilities or final disposition of a victim’s body is a Schwarzenegger pun, by definition. That’s negative twenty sausages according to the sanctions outlined in Section Four, Paragraph Two .
    My hound whined. › No! Not twenty sausages! Twenty succulent sausages I’ll never snarf? You can’t do that—it’s cruelty to animals! ‹
    You can’t argue with this. Your pawprint is on the treaty, and you agreed that Schwarzenegger puns are heinous abominations of language that deserve food-related punishments for purposes of correction and deterrence .
    › Auggh! I still say it’s your fault for renting Commando in the first place! You started it! ‹
    Who started it is immaterial. You violated the treaty by continuing it .
    › This is terrible. Terrible! But, wait, it’s the end of the day and I’m still up, 4–3! That means I earned back ten penalty sausages! ‹
    That is a ridiculous figure, Oberon. One .
    › Eight. ‹
    Three .
    › Five! ‹
    Fine. You may discount five penalty sausages by virtue of your minor victory .
    Oberon lay down and put his paws over his eyes. › Oh, great big bears, negative fifteen sausages! It’s a nightmare, that’s what it is. ‹
    His words were more true than he realized, but for far weightier reasons than the loss of meat products. If I was reading things right, skinwalkers were the worst nightmares of the Navajo world, all their other monsters having been dispatched long ago by Monster Slayer, and I am sure there was nothing more horrifying in their minds than being taken by one. It was a nightmare for me too, because there wasn’t anything I could do magically to defeat these guys, and physically they were far faster and maybe stronger than me. I was unprepared, like a bad Boy Scout. Their magic was as old as mine, if not older, crafted independently and far removed from the European traditions with which I was familiar.
    I remembered a bizarre day of my education, when the archdruid taught me how to unbind vampires, beguile dragons, and tame manticores. » You’ll probably never need to use this, « he said, » but if you ever run into one of the beasties, you’ll be glad I took the trouble. Now, stop looking at that girl over there and pay attention, gods blast you! «
    I had been an unruly and easily distracted apprentice at times. But I was fairly certain there was nothing in Druid lore that would help me deal with this. It would take days or weeks of experimentation to come up with something new and effective, but I didn’t have that luxury. Nor did I have anything to chuck skyward should they try the roof again; I was fresh out of shovels or anything else that could be converted to a projectile weapon. Well, maybe I could fling the discarded shovel blade like a square Frisbee.
    Thankfully, the skinwalkers had no intention of attacking again. They had plenty of wounds to lick, not to mention a sharpened stick to yank out of a torso, and they weren’t (yet) hungry enough for my flesh to continue their assault in such a state. They made plenty of spitting and cursing noises as they staggered away, and mildly hopeful expressions bloomed on the faces of the Navajos.
    Frank let that feeling settle in and get comfortable before he said anything. » They’ll be back. If not tonight, then tomorrow. « That caused some restless shifting of feet. » An’ if you’re thinkin’ you might call in sick tomorrow, think about it