Tricked

stopped. Ganesha was gone, but I still felt presences in the jungle. I turned right and circled around to where I thought they were lurking. I felt them leave as I ran madly through the vegetation, yelling, » Why doesn’t everyone use the metric system? What happened to all of the yeti? How come I’ve never seen my archdruid in Tír na nÓg? Could he be the Most Interesting Man in the World? Why aren’t people from Trinidad and Tobago called Tobaggans? Do you know any Vogon poetry? «
    I broke through into the tiny clearing where I’d first appeared. The golden langur monkey screeched and pointed at me. He looked like he was laughing. Then he abruptly vanished, no sound effects or anything. Perhaps he’d been the avatar of a god all along. Or maybe I was just waking up from the Dream.

Chapter 21
    Hospitals are buildings of death and give me the fantods. Unlike a field of heather and a benevolent sun shining upon me, they do not give me the sense that the day will bring me joy; they give me the sense that the day will be my last, and I will die cut off from nature. Consequently, when I woke up in the Flagstaff hospital, I couldn’t wait to get out.
    Granuaile was there and restrained me with a hand on my chest.
    » Lie back, sensei. You’re okay. «
    » Oberon? « I asked, my voice tight.
    » He’s okay too. Well, he’s not okay, but he’s alive, anyway. Most of his ribs were shattered on the right side and his shoulder too. «
    The breath I’d been holding whooshed out of me in relief, and tears escaped from my eyes. » Thank the gods, « I said, choked up. » I didn’t want to lose him. «
    » I know, « Granuaile said, and tears spilled down her face as well. » I didn’t want to lose him either. «
    » What happened? « I asked. » I thought I was finished. « I’m sure Granuaile hadn’t seen any hint of the Dream on my face while I was unconscious. There had been no gods in the room with their fingers on a red button. Only a traitor.
    » When you collapsed, Leif healed up your neck with his little vampire tricks. «
    » What? How did he do that? « If it was a magical process, my amulet should have prevented him from doing anything to me. I checked to make sure my amulet was still around my neck, and of course it was. Perhaps the healing wasn’t magical but rather a radical biological process.
    » I didn’t see exactly what he did. He squatted down next to you and his body blocked what he was doing—I was still in the hall with Oberon. But when he stood up, you weren’t bleeding anymore—in fact, your neck looked perfect. «
    My fingers drifted up from my amulet and found no bandages, no scabs or puncture wounds.
    » You were still out but not losing any more blood, « she added, » and that allowed us time to get you over here. «
    » What about cops? That room was unholy. «
    » Leif just charmed anyone who came by to forget about it. Then he called up some ghouls to take care of the remains. They were already in town. He summoned them from Phoenix right after he called Zdenik to say he’d found the world’s last Druid. «
    » He told you all this? «
    » Yes. « Her eyes drifted up, remembering. » He said he was dreadfully sorry that Oberon was hurt, and he hopes you’ll be able to forgive him someday. «
    I shook my head. » That’s not going to happen. «
    Granuaile nodded shortly to indicate she’d heard but then continued with the air of someone who had to recite their lines before they forgot them. » He also said you don’t have to worry about him doing this again. He’ll take care of the rest of the vampires by himself. «
    » Good. I want nothing more to do with him. Wait. « She was blinking rapidly and seemed disoriented. » Did he charm you to make you say all that? «
    My apprentice glanced down at my face, confusion in her eyes. » Say what? «
    » That bastard! I’ll unbind him on sight, just like any other vampire. «
    Granuaile looked as if she was going to say something more, but the scowl on my face must have made her reconsider. Before I could soften and ask her what she was going to say, a doctor wafted into the room like a cotton cloud cut in the shape of a lab coat, trailing two squat nurses in his wake. He had short, light brown hair and a pair of rimless glasses perched on his nose, over which he peered at me with what looked like suspicion.
    » Ah, Mr. Collins. Feeling better, are we? «
    I blinked at him, not recognizing my new name for a moment. »