Tricked

I’d like to go outside, « I finally said.
    » Oh-ho! « he exclaimed, a false gaiety coloring his tone. He tried to chuckle companionably, but it didn’t endear him to me. » It’s far too soon for that. « The badge on his coat read O’Bryan . An unusual spelling for an Irish name. At another time and place I might have been interested in the history of it.
    » We have to figure out what’s going on with you first, « the doctor said.
    For the first time, I realized they had an IV in me, and little expensive boxes were beeping and compiling data on my vitals. I had no magic left whatsoever to speed my own healing, and a glance at the window indicated I was several floors above the earth. I was utterly at the mercy of the American health care system, and the thought made me shudder and the little expensive box beep faster. I clutched at Granuaile’s hand as she tried to back off and make room for the doctor.
    » Whoa. Calm down. What was that? « O’Bryan said.
    » Vitamin D deficiency. Get me outside, « I said.
    » Miss, I’ll need you to excuse us for a moment, « one of the nurses said to Granuaile, and she tried to pull away again. I held on.
    » She’s not going anywhere, « I grated, » unless it’s outside with me! «
    Dr. O’Bryan flicked his eyes at the nurse, telling her to back off and let Granuaile stay where she was for now.
    » Perhaps we can arrange a trip outside a bit later, « he said, » but I need to ask you some questions about your condition first, and we need to get you stabilized. «
    » I’m stable and conscious, Doctor, and of sound mind. I’ll be checking out immediately. I refuse care. Get this IV out of my arm now. «
    The doctor’s tone became patronizing. » Mr. Collins, we haven’t even established your insurance information or a proper check-in yet— «
    » There is no insurance information. All bills will be paid by the law firm of Magnusson and Hauk in Tempe, phone number 480-555-8675. I will wait here long enough for you to call them and confirm that they are financially responsible for my bill, but that’s it. I’m out of here. Now, are you going to remove this IV or shall I? «
    Granuaile proffered her cell phone to the doctor. » Here. You can call them. «
    That got to him. Helpless patient in bed? He could ignore that. Granuaile in his face? He couldn’t hack it. He held up a defensive hand and annoyance tightened his voice as he said, » That’s not my priority right now. «
    » It isn’t? « Granuaile replied, still holding the phone up. » You made it sound like insurance was the most important thing, or some kind of payment for your care. That’s fair, we understand, and we’re giving you what you need so you can take care of it and get us out of here. That way you can see patients who actually need you. «
    » Just let me ask Mr. Collins here a couple of questions about his condition. «
    » No questions are necessary, Doctor, « I said. » Again, I refuse your care. All that remains is for you to unhook me from this IV and all these monitors and settle the bill. «
    O’Bryan was visibly irritated now. Doctors aren’t used to losing control of conversations in hospitals. If I had any juice left, I would have simply cast camouflage and walked out, but since I was completely drained, I had to play by their rules long enough to get out of there. If I simply yanked out the IV, he’d probably order me restrained, and the nurses looked burly enough to manage it in my weakened condition.
    I already knew what he wanted to ask: How did you get to be so drained of blood when I can’t find where or how it got out? And if I allowed him to ask me that, there was a fairly decent chance I would scream, » AN EVIL FUCKING VAMPIRE SUCKED ME DRY! « and then the restraints would come out for sure, followed shortly by a trip to a padded cell and little cups of Jell-O spiked with Thorazine. I had to remain calm or I wouldn’t be able to help Oberon.
    » Mr. Collins. You are in no condition to self-diagnose— «
    I interrupted before he could go any further. » Granuaile, call Hal right now please and ask about the possibility of suing this man for continuing treatment after I have refused it. «
    » Now, hold on, that’s just— «
    » The American way, « I finished for him. » It’s no fun having lawyers on retainer unless you can use them on people. So what’s it gonna be, Doc? Do you want to call my lawyers and get paid, or should I call my lawyers and