Tricked

trying to avoid accumulating any more guilt ferrets.
    Dr. Flores frowned, fully aware that I hadn’t answered her, but led us to a room in her clinic. » He won’t be able to move for some time. I have the bones set, but those will take a while to heal, especially his shoulder. He also has a punctured lung and a bruised spleen. «
    She opened the door and I saw Oberon lying on a table on his left side. His exposed right side was shaved and bandaged; he looked awful. But he saw me and his tail began thumping against the table.
    › Atticus! You’re all right! Nobody would tell me anything, because they didn’t know any better! ‹
    » Hi, buddy. Good to see you. « I entered the room and squatted down so I was eye level with him, putting a paper sack and the tea on the floor underneath his head, just beyond the edge of the table. His eyes followed my hands as they disappeared from his view and then came back up to scratch his head gently. Granuaile and the vet began to murmur behind me about recovery time, but I blocked them out and gave all my attention to Oberon.
    › Hey. What’s in the bag? ‹
    Maybe a little something for you .
    › Animal, vegetable, or mineral? ‹
    Former animal, now deceased .
    › Is it succulent and juicy? ‹
    You will have to judge for yourself .
    › Well, what are we waiting for? All rise for the Right Honorable Judge Oberon— ‹
    I need to have you drink some tea first .
    › Aww! That smelly stuff? ‹
    Maybe smellier than usual .
    › You are a terrible salesman, you know that? ‹
    I snorted and then remembered I wasn’t alone in the room. I looked back at Granuaile and Dr. Flores. » May I have a few minutes with him, please? « I asked.
    » Don’t move him, « the veterinarian said. Her eyes dropped down to the bag and added, » And no food. «
    › Okay, that was a buzzkill right there. ‹
    » Right, « I said, smiling in what I hoped was a reassuring manner. Granuaile smirked as she exited, knowing full well that I planned to ignore those instructions. Once they were gone, I searched for and found a bowl to pour the tea in.
    I need you to drink this, Oberon , I said as I filled the bowl. All of it. It’s important. You’ll get better quicker. How do you feel?
    › Everything hurts, but I am glad you are here now. ‹ He began to lap up the liquid. › This tastes like depressed teenage flowers that want to rebel against their parents by smelling like feet dipped in stinky cheese. ‹
    I’m sorry, Oberon, but you have to drink it all .
    › I know, I’m just saying that most dumps are fresher than this. ‹
    I have andouille sausage in the bag for you when you’re finished .
    Oberon began to lap up the tea with more gusto.
    › I think I’m feeling better already! ‹
    Good. I’m so sorry you got hurt, Oberon. That’s not what I wanted .
    › There is always a price to pay for badassery, Atticus. But the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. I didn’t want you to die. ‹
    That started a tear rolling down my cheek. And I didn’t, because of you. You saved my life. Thank you .
    › You’re welcome. Hey! Does saving your life erase all my negative sausages? ‹
    Oh, most definitely. You were at negative sixteen, I believe? Well, now I owe you sixteen sausages .
    › Oh, that’s gravy! What kind? ‹
    What kind do you want, buddy? You name it, I’ll go get it. Keep drinking .
    › Okay. You remember that one time you took me to Scotland and you let me try those sweet wild boar sausages from that gourmet place? Can I have some of those? ‹
    The ones you made up a song about?
    › Yeah! That’s right, I did! I think I forgot it though. How did it go? ‹
    Oh. I think it went like this:
    A Scotsman often is a bore
But he sure can cook a boar
This is now my favorite store
I can’t wait to eat some more
Boar sausages!
    › Oh, man, that was a classic! I have a gift for lyrics. That should have won a Grammy. It’s not as good as » Horseradish Tastes Like Death and Sorrow, « but I don’t think I’ll ever top that one. ‹
    Oberon finished the tea and I put the bowl down on the floor. How do you feel now? I asked him.
    › I feel like seeing what’s in the bag, ‹ he replied.
    I mean physically, Oberon .
    › It still hurts, Atticus, but maybe not as bad. ‹
    That sounds about right. I couldn’t give you much in the way of pain relief, because I don’t know what the vet is going to be doing. But you’re going to be healing now much faster than the vet