Tricked

terrible husband and a worse father. But one marriage lasted a very long time, and Aenghus Óg wasn’t the one to end it. I was married for more than two hundred years to a woman in Africa named Tahirah. We had many beautiful children, and I got to see them grow up and have children of their own. Only grandchildren I’ve ever seen. «
    Here I had to stop. Granuaile let the silence stretch for some time before she timidly asked a question.
    » The ones you left behind … did you ever go back? «
    » Secretly, yes. Sometimes they were worse off; sometimes they were better off. I figured out a way to help the ones who were worse off, but there was never any question of continuing the relationship. Even if they were willing, I couldn’t. «
    Silence fell again for a few moments as she considered this, and then she said, » I … well—wait. How did you deal with the depression? I mean, how are you even functioning? «
    » I ran from it. I’m still running. Most people don’t have a choice about picking up and leaving. They’re stuck—or believe they’re stuck—where they are, and they don’t see a way out or the possibility of a better tomorrow. I always have somewhere to go, a new life to live, a new language and culture to learn about. «
    » So you don’t know what happened to your families? «
    » I know what happened to all of them, unfortunately. They lived their lives, and now they’re gone. «
    Granuaile puffed some air past her lips and blew a wisp of hair out of her eyes. » You know, most of the time I’m able to ignore how old you are, but sometimes I get a sense of the enormity of it.… «
    » Yeah. It’s not really the sweet carefree deal that it seems. There are dues and blues. And you can’t avoid it either. If you remove yourself from human relationships and all the baggage that comes with them, you’re removing yourself from humanity entirely. The pain and regret and embarrassment are all repaid in joy, however brief and infrequent that joy may be. I’ve seen what happens when you try to set yourself apart. «
    There was silence while Granuaile considered this. Then, delicately, almost too soft to hear, she asked, » Can I ask what happened to Tahirah? «
    » Sure. « Such an easy word to say. But I had to take a deep breath and divide my mind in order to answer, stripping away the emotions and memories until only the raw words were left. My voice was flat and toneless as I said, » We were ambushed by a Masai war party. Tahirah took a spear through her chest and died before I could even attempt to heal her. And when I saw her dead eyes—eyes into which I used to look and find peace—my reason fled and rage took over: I cast camouflage on myself and cut them all down. They thought they were being slain by a demon. It wasn’t my finest hour. «
    For a time there was nothing but the soft, rolling rumble of the engine and the whistle of gusting winds. Then Granuaile whispered, » I’m sorry, Atticus. «
    » Yeah. Me too. « I paused. » You know that saying about how time heals all wounds? It’s not always true. «
    Granuaile nodded, acknowledging that I probably knew what I was talking about.
    » I couldn’t bear to stay there after that, where every place and every person was a reminder of her. If you spend two hundred years in an area, every tree and every rock becomes familiar, and every step brings a new memory shaped like cut glass. I took my eldest son aside—his name was Odhiambo—and told him as far as the tribe was concerned I was dead too. Without his mother, there was no life for me there anymore. He was chief now; Tahirah had run the things that needed running, because I had no desire to lead. He tried to argue with me at first; I had been giving him, as well as the rest of my family, Immortali-Tea, and my leaving meant that they would begin to age normally. To me, that was all to the good. The eternal youth of my family had begun to wreak havoc on social structures that normal people take for granted, such as having children before the age of thirty or forty—or, indeed, having them at all. Tahirah and I kept having children, but they rarely married and had children of their own. And of our few grandchildren of childbearing age, none of them was the least inclined to start their own family. There was always time for that later, you see, because I was giving them all the time they wanted to be selfish.
    » I had already decided some decades earlier that