Trusted Bond

on purpose because you don‘t want to go anywhere near the real
    issue.‖
    ―What is the real issue?‖ I snarled at him, pushed to my breaking
    point, angry, tired, and mean. I knew I was wrong, had known before we
    started, because he was right. I should have called and confessed to him
    my absolute, undeniable need. I should have, but I didn‘t.
    ―The second you could, the second the fight was done and you were
    able to… you should have called me and told me that you needed me, told
    me to come home, told me that you were hurt, bleeding….‖ His voice
    cracked, and I could hear how broken he was inside. ―But you just did as
    you always do… you handled things and worried about what I would do
    instead of what you had to have.‖
    I shook my head. Our priorities were so different; they could not be
    any further apart. He worried about the now and I worried about the
    future.
    ―‗Logan, I need you to come home.‘ This should have been your
    call,‖ he told me.
    I felt hot tears fill my eyes.
    Trusted Bond

    45

    ―You don‘t need me. I pretend that you do, I say that you do, but it‘s
    bullshit, and you don‘t,‖ he growled, the muscles in his jaw clenching.
    ―Being with you, knowing that our feelings are not the same… knowing
    that I need you more––want you more… it‘s killing me. I‘d rather live
    separately than see you every day knowing that you don‘t want me the
    same as I want you.‖
    ―You‘re wrong.‖ I sucked in my breath. ―I need you.‖
    ―You don‘t show it. I don‘t see it.‖ His voice was flat, matter-of-fact.
    ―You don‘t believe in the bond of a reah and a semel, but I do. It has to be
    all or nothing for me, Jin. I need you in love with me, trusting me, and
    wanting me all in equal parts.‖
    ―You‘ve been thinking about this all for a long time,‖ I said, the truth
    washing over me.
    ―Yes.‖
    ―Were you gonna tell me?‖
    ―If Crane decides to leave, are you going with him?‖ he asked,
    ignoring my question altogether.
    ―No.‖
    ―I hope that‘s true.‖
    ―It doesn‘t seem like you really care one way or another.‖
    ―How the hell do you get that from everything I just said?‖
    ―I––‖
    ―You‘re fighting with me so hard––you‘re so stubborn, and it‘s
    exhausting.‖
    We were silent for several minutes.
    ―I‘m tired,‖ I announced. ―I hurt all over.‖
    ―Then sleep,‖ he said flatly, turning for the door.
    I buried my face in the pillow so he wouldn‘t see the tears. I didn‘t
    want him to go, but I would die before I asked him to stay.
    ―Jin.‖ My name came out strangled.
    I made a noise so he‘d know I heard him.
    ―I want you to be mine, all mine, and want and need only me.‖
    I had no idea what to say, so it was good that the door clicked shut
    moments later. Talking had been a mistake, but it was hard to stop once
    we started. I wished I could have stopped him before words had been
    spoken that could not be taken back.
    46

    Mary Calmes

    I WOKE up because I dreamed that I was in the tribal fighting pit being
    butchered alive. It was vivid and scary, and I sat up in bed in a cold sweat,
    panting and shaking. There was no rolling over and going back to sleep; I
    was too shaken.
    Just with an inhalation of breath, I knew that Logan was not in bed,
    even before I got my bearings and looked around. I didn‘t go looking for
    him. Instead, I got up and showered to try and restore a feeling of
    normalcy. After changing into pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, I left the
    room, padding quietly down the hall to Crane‘s room. I knocked gently.
    ―Yep.‖
    Slipping inside, I found him on his bed in nothing but cargo shorts, a
    wireless controller in hand, eyes riveted to his TV screen. The PlayStation
    3 had been a birthday gift from me, and he had been enjoying it since he
    got it. ―What are you doing?‖
    ―Killing drug cartel assholes,‖ he yawned before putting the game on
    pause and looking up at me. ―What are you doing?‖
    ―I haven‘t been sleeping all that well lately.‖
    ―Yeah, big surprise.‖ The sarcasm was dripping off his words. ―I
    know you like noise, so—c‘mon. I got room.‖
    I climbed onto his bed and up to the pillow on the other side of the
    queen-sized bed. Once I collapsed, he put a hand down between my
    shoulder blades. ―What?‖
    ―I‘m gonna go to Vegas and open a new restaurant for Ray.‖
    My first thought was to sit up and yell at him, but he had felt