Trusted Bond

over at me like I was a petulant child. ―Not this again.‖
    ―It‘s true.‖
    ―And what if it is? So what?‖
    ―There‘s a difference.‖ I caught my breath, turning back around to
    look outside at the lit grounds. It was a pretty night, dark blue, not the
    black it got in winter. ―You love me because I‘m your reah, so you have
    to. All the others love me because I‘m your reah. No one has real feelings
    except Crane.‖
    ―I‘m sorry, what did you say?‖
    The dangerous sound of his voice was not lost on me. ―Whatever.
    You wanna stand there and be offended, g‘head. You wanna be hurt and
    fill up with righteous indignation because I said your feelings, that you
    believe are real, really aren‘t––fine.‖ I sighed deeply before turning
    around and walking back to sit down on the bed. ―But these are the facts,
    Logan. If I wasn‘t your reah, I wouldn‘t get to be in your bed. With Crane,
    whatever I am is whatever I am. His feelings don‘t change; he stays the
    same. All the rest of you… it could all just be a big mistake tomorrow and
    I‘m out on my ass.‖
    The silence in the room loomed for so long that my adrenaline
    dissipated and fatigue set in. I didn‘t want to look at him; I just wanted to
    collapse. Crawling up to the pillow, I sank down onto the bed.
    ―The fact that you still believe that you could lose me is beyond my
    understanding. You have no faith, and that bugs the shit outta me.‖
    ―Okay.‖
    ―Don‘t just agree with me!‖
    ―Why would I argue?‖
    ―Look at me.‖
    Trusted Bond

    43

    I complied, rolling over on my back to look up at the man hovering
    above me.
    ―If you were not my mate, would I feel as I do? I don‘t know––I
    don‘t care. I can‘t separate the two, but you want to, you still wonder
    about me because before I met you I was straight. And even though
    you‘ve accepted your place and taken on the duties of being the semel‘s
    mate and even though you love me––because you do love me––even with
    all that, you‘re still terrified of losing Crane.‖
    ―He‘s my best friend,‖ I said defensively.
    ―He‘s a security blanket, and we both know it.‖
    ―Logan––‖
    ―I should not be jealous of Crane Adams, and I am. I‘m the semel of
    my tribe, and I‘m jealous. Think about what that means.‖
    We were talking when we should not have been, as it had the
    potential to go very wrong very fast.
    ―You‘re right about us… chemistry alone is not going to carry us
    through. You need to decide if you‘re going to submit to my rules or if
    you prefer to live separately.‖
    I couldn‘t breathe.
    ―I won‘t wonder where you are or what you‘re doing anymore. You
    keep more from me than you tell, and I‘m through with it. I can‘t continue
    to live with a mate who doesn‘t trust me.‖
    ―You don‘t want––‖
    ―I want you!‖ he yelled at me. ―You‘re mine, and should you choose
    to live apart from me, you are still my reah and so will conduct yourself in
    that manner.‖
    ―Meaning?‖
    ―Meaning that there will only ever be me in your bed.‖
    ―That‘s all you care about––who fucks me?‖
    ―You‘re an idiot!‖ he roared. ―And you‘re picking apart what I‘m
    saying instead of listening to me!‖
    ―I‘m lis––‖
    ―I‘m your mate! There is nothing or no one I care about more than
    you, but first, before anything, I am semel to your reah. Your semel! If
    you‘re hurt, you call me. If you‘re sad, you call me. If you need protection
    44

    Mary Calmes

    or love or… anything––you call me! I am the one you turn to for all
    things. No one else, only me!‖
    ―Logan, I––‖
    ―You made your choice when you didn‘t call the first night you were
    attacked. You should have told me you were hurt instead of allowing me
    to stay for Simone‘s mating ceremony. You should have needed me.‖
    ―I did, I just––‖
    ―You make me doubt myself, and I can‘t have that.‖
    ―This is about me getting hurt, but there was nothing you could
    have––‖
    ―This is about you getting hurt, but even more, it‘s about you not
    giving me the common courtesy of a call!‖
    ―It was life and death and you‘re upset because you didn‘t get a
    call?‖
    ―Yes, Jin,‖ he yelled at me, the sarcasm dripping from him. ―That‘s
    what this is about exactly. It‘s about a phone call.‖
    ―Logan––‖
    ―Make it small and petty when we both know that you‘re being
    stupid