Trusted Bond

I disappeared, and if I couldn‘t leave, I turned that person into an
    inanimate object in my head, something that could be ignored. But hate
    was so time-consuming; you had to feed hate, and I was the reah of my
    tribe. I had better things to do. ―You‘re right.‖
    ―You feel sorry for me.‖
    ―I do.‖
    ―That‘s why I beat Emilio, you know.‖
    ―Why?‖
    ―Because he didn‘t feel bad for me, he was just scared and whining
    and begging. I told him that it was hurting me to hurt him, but he didn‘t
    care.‖
    I was back to staring at him.
    ―He just couldn‘t stop crying. I mean, I know it hurt, there was a lot
    of blood, but c‘mon… you never cried. You felt bad for me, I know you
    did.‖
    He was so far gone. I‘d had no idea how deranged he truly was.
    ―You know why I kept hitting him?‖
    ―Why?‖
    ―He dared me to. At the end, he said that I wouldn‘t dare kill him, he
    said that I couldn‘t. He said that someone would stop me… but I showed
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    him. I tried to tell him, ‗I‘m the semel of my tribe—there‘s no one
    stronger.‘ I showed him.‖
    Yuri leaned into me, his hip gently bumping my arm. Nice of him to
    remind me that he was there.
    ―Can I say something and you not get mad?‖
    ―Sure.‖
    ―I liked hurting you.‖
    ―I know that,‖ I assured him, letting out a deep breath.
    ―Are you mad at me?‖
    ―No.‖
    ―Scared of me?‖
    ―Not anymore.‖
    ―What did you shift into?‖
    I rubbed my eyes. It was so different from how I thought it was
    going to be. He was talking so casually, no emotion there at all. Just like
    we were discussing the weather or current events, it was so weird.
    ―Jin?‖
    ―Sorry,‖ I sighed, looking back at him. ―Not sure what I shifted
    into.‖
    ―So if you‘d been stronger, you think you would have shifted into
    whatever new thing you changed into when you were with me?‖
    ―Maybe.‖
    ―Huh. You know what I miss most?‖
    He was so fractured, his mind running all over the place. ―No.‖
    ―Sleeping with you. And I don‘t just mean fucking you, because I
    miss that, but even more… I miss just laying in bed beside you. I used to
    love to watch you sleep. You looked so peaceful, and it made me feel the
    same.‖
    I nodded.
    ―When I get out of here I‘m gonna come see you.‖
    ―Oh.‖
    ―Uh-huh. Maybe we can have a place in the mountains. You‘d like
    that because you always said how much you liked quiet.‖
    ―I think maybe you like the quiet, huh?‖
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    203

    He thought a minute. ―That‘s right, that‘s right, that‘s me not you. I
    get us confused sometimes.‖
    ―Okay.‖
    ―Do you love Logan?‖
    ―I don‘t wanna talk about Logan, okay?‖
    ―He‘s really your mate, huh? True-mate? Your semel?‖
    ―Yes.‖
    ―I didn‘t know when I took you that—I didn‘t know.‖
    ―I know.‖
    ―You love him?‖
    ―I—‖
    ―Sorry.‖ He stopped himself. ―But so you know, I never loved
    Lisette.‖
    ―Your yareah,‖ I said.
    ―Yeah. She was mean to you.‖
    ―She had good cause.‖
    ―She got hurt, and I left her. She was bleeding… blood is dark in the
    snow, Jin.‖
    Which answered Georgia‘s question about her sister. Laurent had not
    killed her, but he had left her bleeding out in the snow. She had died alone,
    scared and freezing. My heart hurt.
    ―Please come closer.‖
    ―No, Laurent.‖
    He sighed. ―You know, my mom has these special orchids that she
    cross-pollinated. She made a new strain. She got to name it.‖
    ―Really.‖
    ―Yeah. She named it after me because I used to spend so much time
    with her in the greenhouse. That was before my dad said it wasn‘t
    something boys should do. He never let me go near the flowers after I
    turned ten. Didn‘t want me to be soft.‖
    ―I‘m sorry; it sounds like that was your special time with her.‖
    ―Yeah, it was.‖
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    And I was almost going to share something about my grandmother,
    but then I realized I was talking to Laurent and not a friend, and I was
    silent.
    ―You know, the day after you left, I sat in my room all day and
    cried.‖
    ―I‘m sorry.‖
    ―I never wanted to be away from you.‖
    I took a deep breath. It was hard to maintain a degree of normalcy
    when I wanted to throw up.
    He smiled at me, and I saw his eyes tear up. ―You wanna sit by me?‖
    ―No.‖
    ―Do you sleep with Logan?‖
    ―I don‘t wanna talk—‖
    ―About Logan, I know—I know. Why