Trusted Bond

not?‖
    ―Because it‘s none of your business.‖
    He nodded. ―I just want you to understand something.‖
    ―What‘s that?‖
    ―I love you.‖
    ―Okay.‖
    ―Are you pissed at me because I killed Emilio?‖
    ―Pissed is not the word, Laurent.‖ I trembled.
    ―What word would you use?‖
    I raked my fingers through my hair and took another deep breath
    before I got up and walked over to the wall. I couldn‘t just sit there; it felt
    like I was suffocating.
    ―Jin,‖ he said, looking at me. ―Do you love Logan?‖
    ―I don‘t—‖
    ―Okay, fine.‖
    I leaned back against the wall and stared down at my sneakers.
    ―Look at me.‖
    He shivered when our eyes locked. ―I never wanted anyone like I
    wanted you, Jin.‖
    My eyes went back to my shoes.
    Trusted Bond

    205

    ―Are you sure you can‘t come closer?‖
    ―I‘m sure.‖
    ―You know, when I had you in the wine cellar, I slept on the floor by
    you one time.‖
    I was silent.
    ―It was really cold.‖
    ―Yeah, it was,‖ I agreed, my voice sounding flat.
    ―And your skin was cold too. That was the first time it was ever
    cold.‖
    I nodded.
    ―Still good, though, touching your skin.‖
    I twisted my head back and forth. I so wanted out of that room.
    ―I‘m so sorry I hurt you. I just wanted you back so bad, and I knew
    you wouldn‘t come if I asked, and I realized if I couldn‘t have you, then
    no one could.‖
    I noticed that my right shoe was scuffed; the left one wasn‘t.
    ―Look at me.‖
    I returned my eyes to his.
    ―I‘m so sorry, baby.‖
    There was a long silence.
    ―If there had been no yareah, if—‖
    ―Laurent, I—‖
    ―Would you have stayed with me? Did you love me?‖
    ―It wasn‘t love.‖
    ―But it would‘ve been.‖
    ―I dunno.‖
    ―I know. The way you were, it would‘ve been. You fall fast.‖
    That was true.
    ―I wanna kiss you so bad.‖
    I was silent.
    ―And even more than that… I want you to kiss me.‖
    I wanted to run out of the room and never look back.
    ―I want you to want to kiss me… like you used to.‖
    206

    Mary Calmes

    I returned to the table, taking my place across from him again.
    ―Did Logan come with you?‖
    I just looked at him.
    ―Is it raining outside?‖
    ―No, it‘s not.‖
    ―You love the rain.‖
    ―Yes, I do.‖
    ―You kissed me the first time in the rain.‖
    I remembered how he had invited me to the pool house to have
    dinner with him, just the two of us. How uncertain he had been, turning
    around to look at me, and I had reached for him, pulled him close and
    kissed him. I had been so careful, asked over and over if he wanted me to
    stop. The kiss was slow and deep, my hands light on his face, allowing
    him to step away at any time, his decision moments later to take my hand
    and lead me inside.
    ―I didn‘t know guys could kiss other guys like that.‖
    I shrugged. ―They do.‖
    ―I know you do, Jin.‖
    ―Laurent, where‘s the portfolio?‖ I asked, staring at him instead of
    asking where Emilio‘s body was.
    ―In the greenhouse, by my mom‘s Laurent‘s Kiss Alabaster orchids,‖
    he sighed.
    ―And Emilio‘s there too?‖
    ―Yes, honey,‖ he sighed heavily.
    I nodded, looked toward the door.
    ―Jin, does Logan get to watch you sleep?‖
    In answer, I should have told him again that it was none of his
    business or said nothing at all. But I was tired and annoyed that everyone
    was outside, that everyone was there to listen to me be humiliated. Most of
    all, I figured I was walking out of there in a second, anyway, so why not
    just tell the truth? ―He does whatever he wants with me, Laurent.‖
    He nodded, and because I could read him, I pushed back from the
    table before he could grab me. It was fast. The table got sent flying up
    against the wall because he was strong—he was a semel after all—at the
    same time Yuri landed all over him as Laurent screamed.
    Trusted Bond

    207

    The room filled with people, and Laurent howled for me as Yuri was
    pulled off him. He was hauled to his feet by members of the semel-aten‘s
    khatyu as I closed my eyes a second.
    ―Jin,‖ Logan yelled, and I opened my eyes as he stepped in front of
    me.
    He grabbed me hard, wrapping me in his arms.
    Everyone was yelling. Georgia Manning was in tears on the floor in
    the doorway, and Adam Bruyere was throwing up in another corner of the
    room. Markel, Mikhail, and Crane were clustered around Logan and me.
    ―Make Yuri come to you,‖ I told my