Twisted Perfection

school were having. Braden had been planning for a week to sneak me there with her. I was going to be her cousin from Mississippi. She had it all figured out. I was excited. I’d never been around other people,” I closed my eyes tightly because I knew that telling him could very likely send me into an attack. I wanted to be strong enough to tell this story, at least to Woods.
    “Take your time,” Woods said, holding me close to him.
    “I was nervous. Mom had caught me sneaking in a lot over the past few months. Each time it ended badly. Most of the time she would spank me with a leather belt. It terrified her for me to leave. And she’d been talking to my brother more. Saying he missed her and wanted her to come to him. That scared me. I knew the only way she could go to him would be to… die.” I stopped a moment and took a deep breath.
    “We snuck out that night without a problem. I went to my first party. I was introduced to my first encounter with sex. Not me but another couple. They were going at it in the bathroom when I went to find a toilet to use. I’d been mesmerized. They had been clinging to each other so tightly and I’d wanted that. I wanted to be that close to someone. Sex and the idea of it intrigued me after that.” That was the easy part to remember. It had been the one bright spot in the evening. I hated thinking about this last part.
    “We had headed back home late. It was around three in the morning. I’d been on a happy high. Some guy had kissed me and I had loved it. This had been real. I had lived…. But then we got home. Braden never went inside with me. She always waited outside until I was safely indoors. Lights were on all over the house. We could see the one in my bedroom from the front yard. That was our first sign that something was wrong.
    My mother normally stood in the dark waiting on me with a belt when she caught me outside the house.” I felt my body tremble. My breathing was getting tighter and more difficult. I wasn’t going to let my terror win. I was going to beat this. I gathered all the strength I could and looked up at Woods.
    “Braden didn’t leave when I opened the door. She followed me inside the front door and stood there. We both knew. The silence was so telling. I didn’t get far. The house was small and I walked from the living room into the hallway. The blood… her blood.” I took a deep breath. “It was seeping out onto the carpet from the bathroom door. I saw it and I knew. It was only a few steps but it felt like a mile from that spot in the hallway to the bathroom door. She was lying there so still on the tile floor. Both her wrists were slit and in the pool of blood around her was a razor. I lost myself in that moment. I began to scream and hold her hand. I was trying to bring her back. But the truth was she’d wanted to go to my brother and... she had.”
    Woods pressed me up against his chest and held me tightly. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m so damn sorry.”
    I wasn’t finished. I wanted to be but I wasn’t. I’d made it this far and I had to keep going. “Braden heard my screams and she came in there to me. I looked up at her and I told her my momma was gone. That’s when I checked out. I don’t remember he calling nine-one-one or the paramedics arriving. I was lost in a world where my mother was alive and I couldn’t reach her. Finally when I came around Braden was beside me, cleaning me. Wiping the blood from my hands. Then she’d changed me into clean clothes and stood holding my hand while I answered questions. There were so many questions. Braden had refused to leave my side. When it was over I’d moved next door to live with her and her parents the next couple of years. She was determined I would live with them. I could tell they were worried about it. She had kept me a secret from them all those years and they were scared of me. I didn’t blame them. They never warmed up to me. I can see it in their eyes. They’re waiting on me to crack. Sometimes I understand them because I’m doing the same thing. Waiting…”
    “ Don’t you say it . Do you hear me? Don’t you dare say it. You’re not gonna crack. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I am in awe at the things you’ve been put through and the fact you can still light up a room when you walk in. When I look at you I see life. I see joy. I see my future.”
    I was his future. He was mine. If I had a life with Woods to