Untouched A Cedar Cove Novella

each other now, and I just have to find a way to make him see it, see that he deserves to be happy as much as anyone, that we can make this work, for real.
    Because the alternative—life without him—hurts too much to even bear.
    I stare out at the ocean, all these questions racing in my mind. Soon I see, there’s someone out in the ocean, a surfer. I can make out the pale strip of his board as he sits, bobbing on the surface, waiting for a wave. But the whole afternoon, he never takes one. I see him paddling furiously, every time a swell comes through. He lines up his board with the oncoming wave, gets into position, and then… just lets it roll by.
    I wonder what’s holding him back. Fear, getting the best of him, before he can let go. I know how he must feel. I always promised myself I wouldn’t be like my parents: I’d love bravely, no matter what the cost. But looking into my future, so many decisions to be made, I can see, how sometimes it’s easier just to let the wave pass you by. You can tell yourself it’s not the right one, that you’re playing it safe, that it’s too much to take. And maybe, you’re right.
    But you stay there, bobbing on the surface. You never know what it’s like, to take flight and soar, propelled on by something bigger than yourself.
    I want that. I want Emerson. And I don’t care how.
    I feel the certainty flood through me, as if there was ever any doubt. He’s all that counts in the world to me. College, the future, it’s all just details. There are other schools, other cities.
    But there will never be another him.
    I find my phone, and with shaking hands, I dial.
    Voicemail.
    “Emerson?” My voice is trembling, but I don’t stop. I have to say it, it’s the only thing I have left.
    I take a breath and let it spill out in a rush.
    “I love you.”
    I stop, hearing the words out loud. It sounds so simple, but it means everything in the world to me. I let out a self-conscious laugh, “I know, it’s wrong to be saying that to your voicemail, but, you need to hear it.” I swallow. “I want to be with you, Emerson. That’s all that matters to me. We’ll figure out the rest together. Just, come to me. I’ll be in my darkroom. I… I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
    I hang up, my heart racing.
    He could say no. He could keep pushing me away. But somehow, I know that doesn’t matter. I’m not giving up on him, not like everyone else in his life. He thinks I’m going to leave because the rest of them always do, but I won’t. I’m staying right here, as long as it takes.
    I’ll make him see, we’re all that matters now.

E MERSON
    She loves me.
    After everything. After seeing my life laid bare, all the mess, and pain, and twisted shadows that come with it, everything I’ve been ashamed of for so long. I don’t deserve her, I know. She’s seen the worst of me: the brute animal, the demons unleashed. She’s seen it all.
    Still, she loves me.
    There’s no choice, not a moment of doubt. I don’t stop, even for red lights.

J ULIET
    I carefully soak the last photograph in the chemical bath. My hands are shaking, my whole body wound tight with nervous anticipation. I can’t help but glance at my watch again, struggling to make out the time in the dim darkroom light.
    Soon.
    As soon as I hung up from Emerson’s voicemail, I took a shower and changed: picking out pretty underwear, and my favorite sundress; lip gloss, and a ponytail. I felt like I was dressing for a date, or graduation, but this is even bigger. I’m on the edge of something, the rest of my life, right now.
    Once he’s here, there’ll be no going back.
    I try and distract myself with the photos. I lift the final print out of the liquid, and pin it to the line to dry. It’s Emerson, the photo I took during our perfect day together. He’s in the driver’s seat, lounging back, one hand on the wheel. He’s grinning at me, so relaxed and free, I can hardly believe he’s the same guy I saw pummeling that dead-beat dealer, driving his fists into the other man’s face over and over until I thought he’d leave him dead on the ground. My heart broke for him, watching his mom leave, but even more, for the look of grim resignation on Emerson’s face, the betrayal and hurt he would never speak.
    I vow to myself, to never let him feel that way again. I can love him, and protect him from the pain. We can heal each other.
    I feel a sudden shiver, and I know he’s here, even before the shed