Up Till Now: The Autobiography

is concerned, it takes two to tangle. And I played my part, I certainly played my part. The humanistic philosophy to which I faithfully adhered at that time might be accurately summed as: it seemed like a good idea at the time. Look, I’ve always taken responsibility for my actions. The reality of some marriages is that over time a husband and a wife grow apart. Their needs and desires change. Marcy realized that; in fact, she once told a reporter, “Life took us apart and it was time to move on.”
    Our marriage ended long before it was legally over. Few marriages end because of one event; rather, it’s an accumulation of things culminating in one incident that may even be very minor. What? You didn’t turn the light out? You know how much that cost? That’s ridiculous, I’m done. It’s not the light or the electric bill, that’s just the evidence of a lack of caring in many areas.
    Our divorce was relatively amicable—although several years laterwe did have a serious legal fight over my sperm. That’s a joke, readers! A joke! Remember last chapter when I started my career in comedy? The truth is that it wasn’t physically my sperm, it was the sperm of several champion horses I owned. As part of our divorce settlement I agreed to give her “fresh-cooled” semen from our champion saddlebred horses, which is extremely valuable to horse breeders. There was a mistake made one season, which was eventually rectified by lawyers.
    I’ve never been very good at being alone. I’ve had a lot of casual relationships: one-night stands, two-week stands, six-month layabouts. With cars, Italian food, and women, when I find something that excites me I become passionate about it. But almost always I’ve lived with the hope of a long-term relationship.
    I met Nerine Kidd when I was in Toronto directing an episode of the television show Kung Fu . Ironically, as it would turn out, we met in the bar of a hotel. It was the place where movie folks who were shooting there would meet at the end of the day. I was there meeting an old friend of mine, and we were laughing maybe too loudly and I looked over his shoulder and saw her. I can close my eyes and still see her. I was struck instantly by her beauty and this marvelous sort of fuck-you attitude, this arrogance, that was so much a part of her. She had strawberry-blond hair and freckled pale Irish skin, the brightest blue eyes you’ve ever seen, and a spectacular figure, and, I was to soon find out, street-smart intelligence and a wonderful sense of humor.
    We spoke briefly that night. But I remember thinking, I’ve got to meet this girl again. Just about every night after we finished shooting I would go to that bar to look for her. It was almost a full week before I saw her again and we just fell into each other’s arms.
    The first days of a relationship are a gift that lives forever in memory. You always remember the smiles and the laughter and the moments of discovery. Nerine and I went to the Ontario Fair with a male friend of hers. One of the amusements was a bungee cord jump built for two. Let’s go! she said.
    “I’m not going up there,” I told her. I rationalized that I had done enough exciting things in my life. I didn’t need to make myself sickto prove to her that I could do dangerous things. I remember standing below watching her flying through the air, screaming with absolute delight, being free.
    There was some chinaware for sale at one of the booths and we looked at it together. We stood there comparing our tastes; we’d known each other a few hours and both of us knew we were picking out dishes for our future house. We were together for more than seven years.
    I had met the girl of my dreams. I fell in love with her and believed she was everything I’d spent my life looking for in a woman. She had the beauty and brains and a joy for living that I had rarely seen before. And she also had one other thing that I didn’t learn about for quite some time: she was an alcoholic.
    Nerine was in Toronto visiting friends, actually she was living in a rented house in Santa Monica. She was a model, but at that time was working only occasionally. For so long we had so much fun together. Once, for example, we were celebrating a friend’s birthday on a yacht in St. Tropez. We had dinner at a hotel and when we finished I looked out at the boat floating at anchor and said, “I think I’m going to swim out to the boat.”
    Please, don’t ask. I don’t know why,