Violet Eden Chapters 04 - Endless

shook trying to make it so. ‘No, no, no!’ I gasped, again and again. ‘No!’
    But there wouldonly be one answer for me.
    Yes.
    The connection was gone.
    I had died …
    Lincoln’s soul had shattered.
    He was gone.



CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
    ‘What can be worse; Than to dwell here, driven out from bliss, condemned.’
    John Milton
    P hoenix heldme from behind, his arm around my waist, as I collapsed to the ground and screamed with everything I had.
    Every second that passed was a long, unbearable eternity without him. I couldn’t go on. I couldn’t possibly be expected to breathe, to live, without him. What was left of my soul battered me violently, demanding to know where its counterpart was, blaming me for its loss.
    But he was nowhere to be found.
    I grabbed at my hair, ripping clumps of it out as I grappled desperately for sanity. And failed.
    Phoenix held on as I struggled against him.
    First absent-mindedly and uncontrolled, but then, along with a dawning realisation, my screams focused on him.
    ‘You did this!’ I accused. I didn’t even sound like myself. ‘You killed me!’
    He continued to hold me up.
    I flipped around and jumped on top of him using strength that was not there. I don’t even remember the first punch, or how many times I hithim, all I know is that he just lay there and let me until he was bleeding badly and I finally fell on top of him, crying.
    He pulled me close, held me tight.
    I screamed and cried. I screamed and cried.
    Hours passed.
    I heard the intermittent banging on the door as Steph and Spence and whoever else was out there tried to get in. But it was all so distant now. I lost track of reality and writhed with the pain and loss. The misery of everything Lincoln and I were and would never be again overwhelmed me.
    Phoenix held me silently, so tightly I was sure if he let go my body would fall apart.
    Finally, thoughts started to connect to form broken questions.
    ‘Why?’ I spat out, the one word breaking me all over again.
    Was it revenge?
    Phoenix kept his arms around me as he spoke. ‘It was the only way. We thought of every alternative but you needed the bond with him first to survive the arrows and this was the only way to release you from our physical connection.’
    No.
    ‘We? Lincoln … He knew?’
    ‘I told him you were our only hope to destroy Lilith. He wasn’t surprised. He said Dapper had told him something before you left the city, something else that made him believe you were the key to her destruction.’
    Dapper had always had suspicions about the thirteenth ingredient. He must have told Lincoln he thought it could be me.
    ‘My blood,’ I lifted a wrist thenslapped it back down. ‘The markings are poison. I’m the goddamn apple, snake, whatever!’ I cried.
    Phoenix nodded sombrely. ‘They told me when I brought you here. Your blood is lethal to exiles in human form. Angels in human form, too, I would guess. That’s what Onyx told you, isn’t it?’
    I nodded.
    He sighed. ‘Lincoln and I knew that if I tried to help you, Lilith would turn on me. She has maternal power over me. If she chose, she could force me to inflict wounds on you or she could just kill me. I told Lincoln I knew how to break the connection so that no matter what happened to me, you would be safe. When I told him what it involved he said a source had hinted as much to him, but as far as he knew no exiles were capable of sharing their essence.’ Phoenix half smiled, bitterly. ‘But then, I’ve always been different.’
    I remembered how relentless Lincoln had been in his quest to chase down sources and informants before leaving the city.
    I’m such a fool.
    ‘When Lincoln drove me out of here the other night, we talked, we fought … we reached an agreement.’ Phoenix’s hand moved towards my face but did not touch. ‘We knew no matter what we said to you, you would still go there to save those kids – you would’ve just insisted on doing it without the soul-bond and we couldn’t risk that.’
    I gasped for air. ‘For me, or for the children?’
    ‘Both.’
    Everyone had been planning everything. My life, my death, my purpose, their ends.
    ‘Why not do this first? Break our connectionbefore I bonded with Lincoln’s soul?’ My anger was building again.
    Phoenix shook his head. ‘We couldn’t be sure your death wouldn’t alter the soulmate connection. The risk was too high.’
    ‘I was never going to die,’ I said, arriving at the painful truth.
    ‘Not