Waiting for Wednesday

get ready for their meeting. He had a firm though slightly damp
handshake and a clipped, emphatic way of speaking. His smile, when he produced it,
seemed disconnected from what he was saying. He used her name slightly too often.
    ‘So, Frieda, how do we do this?’
he asked, after he had taken a seat opposite her and put his hands, palms down, on his
knees.
    ‘I’d like to know a few details
about you and then I’d like you to tell me why you’re here.’
    ‘Details. Right. Age, occupation,
things you put on a form?’
    ‘All right.’
    ‘I’m twenty-seven. I’m in
sales and marketing, and very good at it. I get people to buy things they didn’t
even know they wanted. Perhaps you disapprove of that, Frieda, but, really, it’s
how the world works. You don’t find out what people need and give it to them. You
create the need in them and then you fulfil it.’
    ‘Do you live in London?’
    ‘Yes. Harrow.’
    ‘Tell me something about your
family.’
    ‘My father died when I was seventeen.
I didn’t mind. He was useless anyway and he always had it in for me. I was glad
when he went. My mum, she’s another story. She adores me. I’m the baby of
the family. I’ve got two older sisters and then there’s a gap and
there’s me. She still does my washing for me, would you believe? And I go there
every Sunday for lunch. Just me and her.’
    ‘Do you live alone?’
    ‘On and off. I like living by myself.
I don’t get lonely and I have lots of friends.’ He paused, looked up,
flashed her a smile and then looked down at his hands again. ‘And girlfriends.
Women seem to like me. I know how to make them happy.’
    ‘And do you?’
    ‘What?’ He was momentarily
startled.
    ‘Make them happy.’
    ‘Yes. I was saying. For a while, but I
don’t want to be tied down, you see. I’m not a faithful sort of man. I want
variety, excitement. I like feeling my heart pound. I used to steal when I was a kid for
the thrill of it. Are you shocked by that?’
    ‘Should I be shocked?’
    ‘I don’t know. Anyway,
it’s the same with women. I like the beginning of things, the chase. That’s
why I’m good at my job too. I get a kick out of persuading people to buy things
they don’t need. I get a kick out of making women want me. It’s only with my
mum that I’m calm and ordinary.’
    Frieda scrutinized him. There were beads of
sweat on his forehead although the room was quite cool. ‘If you like your life so
much, why are you here, with me?’
    Seamus sat up straighter and took a breath.
‘I like having power over people.’ She could see him swallow and when he
spoke it was more slowly, as if he was considering every word. ‘I remember, when I
was a boy, I used to cut my father’s hair. My father was a big man, much bigger
than I am, and solid. He had a thick neck and broad shoulders and beside him I felt very
small. But every so often I would be holding these sharp scissors and he would shut his
eyes and let me snip his hair off.’ He paused for a moment, as if recollecting
something. ‘I can remember the dampness of the hair and the smell of it. Pushing
my fingers into it, feeling the skinunderneath. It smelt of him. When
he let me touch his hair, I knew he was giving me power over him. I can still hear the
sound of the blades. I could have killed him with those scissors. I had power over him,
and that made me feel strong and tender at the same time. Looking after him with
something that could wound him.’
    He forced his eyes up and met Frieda’s
gaze. He faltered slightly. ‘I’m sorry, is something wrong?’
    ‘Why do you say that?’
    ‘You look, I don’t know,
puzzled?’
    ‘Go on,’ she said. ‘What
were you going to say?’
    ‘I used to hurt animals,’ he
said. ‘That gave me the same feeling. Mostly little things, birds and insects. But
sometimes cats, a dog once. And now women.’
    ‘You like hurting women?’
    ‘They like it too. Mostly.’
    ‘You mean, hurting them
sexually?’
    ‘Of course. It’s all part of
sex, isn’t it – hurting, pleasing, causing pain and pleasure, showing who’s
master? But now – well, now there’s this woman I’ve met. Danielle. She says
I’ve gone too far. I frightened her with what I did. She says she won’t see
me any more unless I get help.’
    ‘You mean you’re here because
Danielle told you to come?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Really?’
    ‘Don’t you believe
me?’
    ‘I’m interested by the way you
describe yourself as someone who