Walking with Ghosts

Sam’d say something like we’d never understand why people denied certain things for themselves. He’d say it was nothing to do with women, that there were plenty of men who had phobias. He’d come up with examples, like men and women he’d known who’d been totally unreasonable. Then he’d say: Go fathom.
    Geordie walked along the riverside path. There was a strong wind blowing, which suddenly abated, as if God had changed his mind and hit a button up in heaven to switch it off. There was a huge harvest moon sitting on the horizon, pale orange. J.D. said it was called a harvest moon because it helped ripen the corn, but Janet had turned her nose up at that, said it was an old wives’ tale. And Janet had taken her mother to the station and put her on a train. Geordie wondered if Janet’s mother could see this huge moon, and if his own mother could, and his brother, wherever they all were.
    Barney came face to face with a duck and both of them stopped dead, staring. Barney’s tail went between his legs and the duck hissed. Geordie wished he had a camera so he could take a picture of it. Barney and the duck and that big ol’ moon shining down on them like the dawn of creation. But the only camera he had with him was his memory, and he stored it away in there, .hoped he’d never forget it. It was something he’d never be able to explain to anyone, even Janet. A moment with a dog and a duck and the moon. A scene that could’ve happened any time in history, down through the ages. If there was a picture of it, you’d be able to look at the picture and say, that could’ve happened any time, fifteenth century, fourth century, even BC.
    And when you said that some people’d think you was crazy.
    But fuck them. What did they know?
    For the rest of his life Geordie would remember it, and when he thought about it he’d know that it happened round about the time Dora was getting ready to die, and just after the time he got married to Janet, and before it showed that she was pregnant. And he might never be able to explain it to anyone else, or to fully understand it himself. He’d just know that it was connected to poetry somehow. Poetry and music.
    That was close. Though there was no sound of music, no song in his head. A faint whisper from the river, maybe? That hissing sound the duck had made.
    When he was much older, and he tried again to describe it all to his daughter, he’d say, It was the moon and the dog and the duck, nothing else. All the other thoughts came later, about the wedding, and Dora getting ready to die. But the moment itself was just the dog and the duck and the moon. It was poetry and music and ghosts.
    Marie was sitting in the window. She waved as Geordie approached the house, but did not move. She passed out of sight as Geordie walked around the side of the house, to the back door. He joined her at the window. Barney put his front paws on her knees and waited for a pat.
    ‘I’ve got coffee going,’ she said. ‘It’s getting to be my favourite thing in the world; sipping coffee in the evening and watching the river. Have you seen the moon?’
    ‘The door was open,’ Geordie said. ‘I can’t believe you left the door open.’
    ‘I meant to lock it,’ she said. ‘When J.D. went. Must’ve forgot.’
    ‘Jesus Christ.’ He went through to the kitchen. ‘I’ll pour the coffee.’ He found mugs and semi-skimmed milk. Looked for a jug to put the milk in, but couldn’t find one. Looked for a tray to put the mugs and the milk bottle on, but couldn’t find one. He wondered if his love-bite showed. ‘Yeah,’ he shouted through to her, ‘great moon. Barney met a duck on the path, and they were both framed in it.’
    Marie didn’t answer. ‘There’s a tray beside the cooker,’ she said.
    ‘I thought J.D. was your favourite thing in the whole world.’
    ‘Things aren’t always what they seem.’
    ‘But you liked him. You two was all over each other.’ Marie looked up and smiled at him. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘We were searching for something. But whatever it was I was after, J.D. didn’t have it.’
    ‘And the other way around? Did you have what he was looking for?’
    Marie shook her head. ‘Maybe an approximation of it,’ she said eventually. ‘If people’ve got a‘ gap in their life, it’s not possible for someone else to fill it. All those hollow places we’ve got, the bits that make us feel lonely and frightened, they’re there because we have to deal with