Watch Me Disappear

serious work,” he says, pointing to my physics book.
    “Yeah,” I say, turning my face back down to my notebook.
    “Come on! You can’t be this stressed out on the second day of school,” he says.
    I look up at him again. “Do you want something?”
    “Want to hear a joke?”
    “No,” I say.
    “Sure,” Missy says.
    “What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?”
    “Seriously?” I say. “That’s the joke?”
    “What?” Missy says. She has to already know the answer. Everyone knows the “no arms and no legs” jokes.
    “Mat!” Paul says. “What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?”
    Missy shakes her head.
    “Bob!”
    “Do another!” Missy says, finding this all to be too funny.
    “What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?”
    “Art?” Missy says, pleased with herself for figuring out the game.
    “Will that be all?” I ask, flashing Paul a fake smile.
    “See you next period,” he says, getting up from the table.
    “He is cute,” Missy says, when he’s gone.
    “He’s yours for the taking, my dear,” I say, wanting to get back to work on physics. I am already painfully aware that without Missy’s help I will not survive the class.
    “I’m not interested in him,” she says. “But just because I’m with Wes doesn’t mean I can’t recognize a cute guy when I see one.”
    “Yeah, of course.”
    “You should go for him,” she says.
    “He likes you.”
    “Whatever. He doesn’t even know me.”
    “Physics, please?” I say, glancing at the clock. Only five minutes before the bell rings.
     
    *          *          *
     
    Since then, Paul has been making regular appearances at our lunch table. He generally comes over near the end of the period to interrupt us at our work. At first I was annoyed, but it didn’t take long before I was glad for the interruption. Besides offering a respite from work, other people have started taking notice of Paul’s habit of visiting us, making us the subject of much chatter in the senior class. We went from being some random new girls to being mysterious and interesting new girls. It’s sort of fun—a little attention mostly directed at Missy, and I just get to bask in the radiance of her star.
    Most days after school I don’t get a ride home with Maura. She races out of school the minute the bell rings. I usually stick around to do homework in the library or to get extra help if there’s a test coming up. I’ve never had AP teachers offer so many study sessions before, but I’m grateful because this is by far the hardest school I’ve attended. Since I’m usually not ready to go home until after four o’clock anyway, a lot of days I wait for Missy to get out of cross country practice and then go to her house. My dad likes it when I go to Missy’s because then I walk to Gram’s house and he picks me up there, which gives him an excuse to see how Gram is doing.
    Gram’s state of health has become both of my parents’ obsession. She does look tired a lot, but she’s eighty-three years old. I don’t really understand why they are so convinced that her health is declining. She seems the same as ever to me—cranky and demanding with my mother (who probably deserves it), sweet and loving with my father and me. I like visiting her a couple of times a week, and I like doing things that make my dad happy, so getting a ride with Missy is a win all around.
     

Chapter 11
     
     
    I do not understand how it’s October already. Between studying and completing a million-and-a-half forms for college applications, I am so busy I can barely keep track of time. Now we have the long weekend for Columbus Day ahead of us. I have never been so happy for a weekend in my life. And tomorrow, thanks to Paul, I’m going to another party at John’s.
    Missy and I haven’t been going to parties since cross country started. She won’t even consider drinking during an athletic season, which means all year because she runs cross country, indoor track, and outdoor track. I haven’t had much interest in trying to go to parties without her. Usually on weekends, I tag along with Missy and Wes to the football games and then to Denny’s, and then they drop me off at home. I have too much homework to try to have much of a social life.
    But Paul practically insisted I come this time, with or without Missy. I tried to object, but he wouldn’t take no for an