Watch Me Disappear

made them so mean. If you’re beautiful and you have lots of money, what is there to be miserable about? I had no idea how complicated life could be. My parents kept me pretty sheltered; they knew the world was crazy and wanted to keep me a little girl forever. I think some people never escape their childish views of the world. They go through life thinking everything is so straightforward. For me, though, everything has seemed a lot more interesting, and meaningful, since I started seeing the complexities.
    I had no idea girls like Missy—girls who are smart, friendly, athletic, and pretty—existed in real life, and I had no idea there were guys out there like Paul—good looking guys who aren’t just looking for fun at everyone else’s expense. I guess I spent too much time watching TV and movies, where everyone is a neat stereotype, when I should have been out making real friends.
    I used to think the line between good and bad was so clear-cut. That’s what my parents always taught me. But senior year, I saw the good in people I once saw as villains, and I saw an awful lot of bad in myself. You just never know what’s beneath the surface until you start poking at it. I used to be jealous of kids who had a normal high school experience, but now I see that no one does. There is no such thing as normal. That’s pretty reassuring when you think about it.
    Five years from now, we’ll all come back for reunion and laugh about things we cried over in high school. My mom says that if you aren’t at least a little embarrassed when you look back on your high school years, you haven’t grown up. For once, I suspect she’s right.
     
     

Acknowledgements
     
     
    I’d like to thank the friends and family who encouraged me throughout the long process of drafting and revising this novel. If not for the encouragement of my parents, brother, and sister, I doubt I could have taken the terrifying step of publishing this novel. The cover design was graciously created by my talented sister, and I cannot thank her enough. And to my father, merci beaucoup —I relied on your proofreading in high school and college, and I rely on you still.
    Extra special thanks to my husband, who put up with all the ups and downs that are part of the writing process and who never questioned my decision to forge my own path to publication.
    Big thanks also to Michael Smith, who—aside from my mom—was the first reader of this book.
    I’m so grateful to the friends whose faith in me was often greater than my own. Shannon, I’m too late to be featured on Oprah’s book club, but I never gave up! Jenn, Jill, Tara, Kristen, Becky, Dina, Sarah, Lisa, Glynis, Jeanne, Sam, Caitie—your friendship has made me the woman I am today!
    Much gratitude also to the Worcester Writers Collaborative ( www.worcesterwriters.org ), whom I met just as I was deciding whether or not to publish my novel independently. Their support and know-how helped me make up my mind to go for it. Cheryl, my eternal thanks for your careful proofreading—your diagnosis of all my verbal tics (a little bit here and a wink-wink there) was invaluable.
    And last but not least, a heartfelt thanks to my students, particularly the members of the Pen & Ink society who listened to early versions of parts of this story and who kept after me to finish it.
     

Questions for Discussion
     
     
    1. Lizzie comments that, “Popularity is a funny thing. Everyone wants to look like the kids at the top of the social food chain. Everyone wants to be liked by them. Everyone is slightly afraid of them. And everyone hates them and loves to see them fall.” Do you think Lizzie’s assessment of popularity is accurate? How do you define popularity?
     
    2. When she first meets Hunter, Lizzie says, “There’s nothing like coming face to face with someone who challenges half a dozen stereotypes that you hold dear.” In what ways do Lizzie, Missy, Maura, and Paul conform to stereotypes? In what ways do they defy stereotypes? In your experience are there times when stereotypes are helpful? When are stereotypes problematic?
     
    3. Lizzie paints a rather unflattering picture of her mother. Do you trust Lizzie’s portrayal of Beth? Why or why not? How do you understand Beth’s often contradictory attitudes and behavior?
     
    4. Lizzie’s makeover is an important turning point in her relationship with Maura. Why do you think Maura agrees to help Lizzie with her makeup?
     
    5. Lizzie and Missy