Watch Me Disappear

visit today. My mother is in a panic that I am applying to too many reach schools, and she decided that the best thing I can do is some interviews, which are technically optional, to boost my chances. If we are willing to make long distance drives to have interviews in person, that will show how serious I am, she thinks. We are up at the crack of dawn to drive up to Middlebury. We’re going there first, as that is my first choice, and then on the drive home we’ll go to Williams and then Amherst. It is going to be a very long day.
    “You’re so lucky,” Maura said when I told her she didn’t need to pick me up for school. “I’d love to skip a day of classes to go anywhere. School is such a drag these days.”
    Every time I look at the clock on the dashboard, all I can think about is what class I am supposed to be in. I got my assignments in advance, so I do homework while my mom drives. At least it is a beautiful day, more like late October than the first week of December. When we get to Middlebury, we walk around and get a sandwich for lunch. I love the campus. Just being there, even with my anxious mother at my side, makes me feel totally at ease. If I get in, everything will be all right. I’ll make it through the next few months and then I’ll be home free—no worries about Paul or Missy or Maura. Another fresh start, only I’ll be a lot wiser this time. But of course, I have to get in first.
    My interview does not leave me feeling confident. The questions are not what I was expecting, and I am afraid I seem simplistic and uninteresting. They ask me questions like “What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?” and “What’s your favorite website?” I was prepared to tell them about my academic accomplishments and what I did at school. Basically I thought I was there to put a face to the application. Apparently, however, they want to find out if candidates are spunky enough. I meet all their admissions requirements; do I have to be unique, too?
    I am better prepared for Williams and Amherst, knowing to expect personality and character questions. The questions at Amherst are more analytic, which puts me at ease, but Amherst isn’t high on my list. Maybe if it were farther from home and farther from UMass where so many of my classmates plan to end up.
    My mother insisted I keep my cell phone off all day, so when we get home, the first thing I do is go up to my room and turn it on. Missy had called and she was upset. Oddly enough, Maura had also left me a message.
    I have had a long enough day that I’m not quite ready to help Missy solve her problems, so I call Maura first.
    “You haven’t talked to Missy or Paul today, have you?” she asks, when I ask what’s up. “They are officially together.”
    “Paul and Missy?”
    “No, Brad and Angelina.”
    “Missy said she was going to take things slow,” I say.
    “Well, as of last night, they’ve both changed their Facebook statuses.”
    “Wow.” Neither mentioned that to me.
    “It’s just insane, you know? What the hell does he see in her?” Maura asks.
    “Come on, Maura,” I say. “You’ve got to admit she’s pretty.”
    “Yeah, until she opens her mouth.”
    I’m not sure if Maura is referring to Missy’s braces, her voice, her nonstop chatter, or all of the above.
    “You must be pretty pissed,” Maura says, catching me off guard.
    “They’re my friends. Why should I be pissed?”
    “They were your friends. What do they need you for now?”
    It’s a mean thing for her to say, but I already believed it before she said it. Still, I can’t admit that to her. “That’s ridiculous,” I say.
    “Is it? You think Paul’s going to need you to tutor him in math now that he has Missy? You think Missy is going to care if you’re home alone on Friday night when she’s out with Paul?”
    “I don’t know, Maura, but I’m really tired. It’s been a long day.”
    “Tell me about it. So I’m giving you a ride tomorrow, right?”
    “Same as always.”
    “Good. We’ll talk more then.”
    I call Missy back as soon as she hangs up.
    “They threw dog treats at me!” she says when I ask what happened. “They put a bag of dog food at my locker and threw it at me in the hallway! They were barking at me!”
    “They” are Jessica and Katherine. Interesting how Maura left that part out of her account.
    “What did I ever do to them?” she asks.
    “They were defending the queen,” I say.
    “Huh?”
    “Maura. They were