Watch Me Disappear

ever go out to a nice restaurant, and he’s never really had a girlfriend before.”
    I wonder if Jason thinks of Maura as a girlfriend.
    “This is cute,” I say, holding up a plaid shirt dress.
    “What, like for a farmer?” Maura says. “I’m thinking more along these lines.” She pulls out a black and silver tube that looked more like a small scarf than a dress. “I could wear a cute shrug and my knee-high boots,” she says.
    “Right,” I say, trying to imagine sitting down in such a tiny scrap of fabric.
    “So anyway,” she continues, “he has no idea, like, how to treat a woman.”
    The word “woman” in this context actually makes me laugh, but Maura just ignores me.
    “It’s occurred to me that the best course of action is to show him what a girl likes,” Maura says.
    The comment sounds dirty, but I know she means that she wants him to take her out on dates and show her off. She wants him to be her boyfriend in public, not just her bed buddy in private. I think she’d be better off looking for someone who wants the same thing she does, because I’m pretty sure Jason likes their current arrangement just fine.
    “I have reservations at Angelo’s and I thought after we could walk down to Café Paradiso for dessert. It’ll be really romantic.”
    “You’ll be cold,” I say, eyeing the dress again.
    Maura shakes her head. “Then he’ll have to keep me warm, won’t he?”
     
    *          *          *
     
    Friday afternoon, Missy catches up with me at the end of physics. I am trying to race out the door, but I’m not quite fast enough.
    “Hey,” she says, sneaking up beside me, my short legs no match for her long ones. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
    “I don’t know,” I say, keeping my head down, walking pointlessly fast.
    “Let’s hang out. We can go see a movie,” she says.
    I don’t answer.
    “Lizzie,” she says, stepping in front of me so that I have to stop. She grabs my arm and moves to the side of the hall against the lockers, out of the way of people rushing or dawdling to their next classes. “I’m so sorry that I’ve been so busy lately. I’ve left you a few messages, but I guess maybe your parents haven’t given your phone back yet?” I had told her weeks ago that I lost phone privileges, but I never bothered to tell her when I got it back.
    She stands there, her big green eyes looking searchingly at me, apologizing for not seeing me, when all the while, I have been avoiding her. She probably really has been busy between indoor track, the insane amounts of work teachers are piling on us in an attempt to keep us from senior slide, and, of course, the love of her life—Paul. Maybe she really hasn’t noticed that I’ve been avoiding her. For a smart girl, she can be pretty dense.
    “Yeah, I’ve been busy, too,” I say.
    “I thought you were coming to study group this week for sure. I mean, we have a test Monday,” she says, biting her lip.
    “I had to get the car home,” I lie.
    “Oh.”
    “I gotta go,” I say, stepping around her into the middle of the hallway, which is now mostly empty. I pause and look over at her. She has her lips pressed together in a look of confusion and disappointment. “Call me, though,” I add. She smiles and I head up the steps.
     
    *          *          *
     
    Saturday night I drive myself to Missy’s house. Right before I leave my house, I consider putting the charm bracelet on. I dig it out of my closet and look at it, then I shove it right back into the closet.
    As it turns out, her parents have plans for the evening, which means Missy has to stay home to babysit. She promises it will be fun anyway. She has it all figured out. We’ll order wings from some pizza place, rent a couple of movies, and maybe bake cookies. She doesn’t suggest I sleep over.
    We play with the baby for a while, but before too long, Lucas is yawning in that adorable baby way, and Missy picks him up and gets him ready for bed. I stay downstairs, waiting for the pizza delivery guy, nervous for the first time since we met to hang out alone with Missy.
    The food arrives and we sit on the couch, hunched over the coffee table, eating and half watching Entertainment News . Though we sit only a few feet apart, it feels as if there’s a chasm between us. Missy makes small talk about the stories on TV, and that is as painful as the silence—even the night we met, we never needed any kind of small