Where Nerves End

parents.”
“Youre not kidding.” Id never met the assholes, but Seths parents were two of the very, very few people on my please die in a goddamned fire list.
“So, his parents were pretty much suspicious of any guy Seth hung out with who wasnt a linebacker giving off enough testosterone to be visible to the naked eye.” He exhaled. “And since he hung out with me more than anyone…”
“So it was because of Seth and his parents?” I asked. “Yours didnt…you werent…”
He faced me. “I didnt give them a reason to think I was gay?”
“Basically, yeah.”
Michael gave a quiet laugh. “Lets just say after my dad caught me in my bedroom with the head cheerleader when I was seventeen, he mostly let it go.” He paused, his laughter fading. “Well, okay, he let it go for a week or two.”
“So they still ask?”
He nodded. “Sometimes. I swear, when I told them Daina and I were divorcing, my mother was sure it was because I was gay.”
I gulped.“You mind if I ask something personal?”
Eyes still locked on mine, he shook his head.
I hesitated, but finally lowered my gaze and quietly said, “You are just into women, arent you?”
“Absolutely,” he said quickly, almost sharply. “Why?”
“Just curious.”
Hetilted his head. “Something must have given you a reason to ask.”
Besides some serious wishful thinking?
I swallowed. “Well, if your folks thought you were gay. I, um, I guess I wasnt sure if something besides Seths parents and their paranoia had giventhem a reason.”
I thought he might laugh it off, tell me it really was nothing more than his folks being as terrified of their son being gay as Seths had been before theyd found out their worst nightmare was real, but he just looked out at the dark yard, something unreadable tightening his expression.
“Ive never really gotten an answer out of them,” he said. “If there was something specific about me, I mean. I guess Ive just always thought it was because Seths parents were so paranoid, it made mine wonder. Whenever I ask them why they thought I was, they just sort of pause and give me an uncomfortable „just wondering, and then they drop the subject.” He looked at me. “When did you figure out you were?”
I played with the cap on my water bottle. “When I was twelve.”
“That young?”
I nodded. “I mean, I didnt completely understand what it meant to be gay. All I knew was that when one of my friends swiped a Playboy from his dad and showed it to us, it didnt do nearly as much for me as the boy band posters my sister had wallpapering her room.” The memory made me laugh softly. Michael laughed too, but it was a forced, uncomfortable sound.
I went on, “Anyway, I realized when I was sixteen that I was gay, and what that meant. Came out when I was seventeen, never looked back.”
Michael said nothing.
A question crossed my mind, and it wasnt until a second too late that I realized Id said the words out loud: “Does it bother you?”
He looked at me in the darkness. “Does what bother me?”
“That Im gay?”
“No, of course not.” He smiled, but it seemed as forced as his laughter a moment ago. “Have I ever given you a reason to think it did?”
“No, you havent,” I said. “I dont know, I guess Ive just wondered. Ever since you agreed to move in.”
“Would I have moved in if it did?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I mean, were both in kind of dire straits these days. Beggars cant be choosers and all that. So I wasnt sure if it bothered you. Especially having your son living with me.”
“Why should it?”
“Well, it…” I caught myself, gnawing the inside of my lip as I debated finishing the question.
“Hmm?”
Though it was barely visible in the darkness, I watched my thumb trace the edge of the label on my water bottle. “I guess Im just curious. I havent run into too many straight guys who are comfortable living with a gay man.”
“If it bothered me,” he said, “I wouldnt be here.”
“True.”
“Besides, if I had any issue with people being gay, Seth and I wouldnt have been friends this long. He wouldnt have put up with it.”
“Oh, no, of course,” I said. “I didnt mean to imply straight men are, by default, homophobic. Youre obviously not. Ive just, in the past, known some guys who were completely cool with it until sleeping arrangements came into play.”
Michael laughed. “Well, its not like were sharing a room.”
“No, thats true.” Unfortunately . “I, fuck, I dont know.