Where Nerves End

asked, and his guarded tone suggested he knew exactly what I was getting at.
“Just the usual shit. Nothing out of the ordinary.” I sighed and pulled on my shirt. “Anyway, thanks again.” I started to get up.
“Jason, wait.”
His soft voice stopped me in my tracks, and I sank back to the couch.
“Hmm?”
He took a breath. “Is there…anything I can do?”
I chewed my lip. Was this his way of kick starting the conversation I hadnt had the balls to initiate? The “were both going to go insane, so why dont we nix the roommate thing and move on with our lives” discussion?
“Any ideas?” I asked. Ball’s in your court .
“I can think of a few.” Back in yours.
“Such as?” Nope, your turn.
“You tell me.” Yours.
I scowled. So hed kick off the conversation, but he wasnt going to make it easy for me. Big surprise.
“I really dont know if theres anything anyone can do,” I said. “Myself included. Ive made my life nice and complicated, and I just have to ride it out until things change.” I exhaled hard, and the words started coming, fast and furious, on their own. “Which is where I get frustrated as fuck. I mean, its not like I want the whole world, you know? I only want a few simple things that really shouldnt be too much to ask, and yet I manage to make every fucking thing in my life so goddamned complicated.”
Denim whispered across upholstery as Michael shifted on the couch beside me.“What do you want?”
Closing my eyes, I rubbed my temples. “Just, you know, a little bit of stability. A little bit of peace. I want my shoulder to stop making my life hell, and I want—” I cut myself off, literally biting my tongue to keep the thought to myself.
His hand warmed my knee, and I barely kept myself from visibly wincing. His voice was soft as he said, “And what, Jason?”
“Nothing.” I lowered my hands and shook my head. “Dont worry about it.”
“Jason. There was something else. What was it?” He slid his hand over mine. “What else do you want?”
Goddammit, Michael, you know exactly what I want.
    I took a breath, but didnt look at him. “You.”
His fingers twitched on top of mine.
“There. Now its out there.” Swallowing hard, I made myself
    face him. “I want you. And I just cant bring myself to give a fuck about why I shouldnt. This, what were doing or not doing or what the fuck ever were doing, its driving me insane. ”
    Michael moistened his lips, but didnt speak.
“I know you want to protect your son,” I said softly. “And I dont want to confuse or upset him either. But, Michael, Jesus Christ…” I swallowed hard. “Youre here too. And, I dont know, maybe you dont want this like I do, but if you do, then why are we holding back?”
“You know why we are.”
“I know why you say we are.” I took a breath, hoping I wasnt treading on thin ice. “But I have to wonder, are you really protecting your son, or are you protecting yourself?” I gestured at the floor above us. “Because the only way hed ever have any reason to know is if we took it beyond just sleeping together. So the only reason I can think of to avoid this if you want it as badly as I do…”
Michael dropped his gaze. He swallowed hard, and a good minute passed before he finally said, “Youre right. Its not just Dylan. Or the fact that you are—were—my patient.” He rested his elbows on his knees and combed both hands through his hair. “Its me.”
I put my hand on the back of his neck. “What do you mean?”
“With you, that was the first time Ive ever let my guard down completely and let myself be what Ive pretended not to be for so many years.” He slid his hands from his hair to the back of his neck. “And with us living together, it meant going from zero to sixty on a relationship, you know? One minute Im barely admitting Im gay.” He lowered his hands and looked at me. “The next Im living with a man whose presence makes it almost impossible for me to breathe.”
Speaking of impossible to breathe…
I forced some air into my lungs, and was about to speak, but Michael beat me to it.
“Youre not the only one who does things to complicate the shit out of his own life,” he said softly. “And if we were to… if things went wrong…”
Cautiously, praying to everyone I could think of that he wouldnt recoil, I reached for his hand. When he didnt, I curled my fingers around his. “Do you want to?”
His eyes met mine. “Of course I do.”
“Then…?”
He held my