Where Nerves End

waiting to be said.
So wed crossed this line. Again.
So here we were. Again.
Now what?
I licked my lips. “Still think this is a good idea?”
Michael smiled, trailing his fingers down the side of my face. “Im starting to wonder how I ever thought it wasnt.”
I laughed quietly as relief brought my heart rate back down a notch. “Ive been wondering myself.”
He chuckled, but then his expression turned more serious. “If we are going to do this,” he said, “then I need to have a talk with my exwife about it.”
I blew out a breath. “How do you think shell take it?”
“I dont know how happy shell be,” he said. “If I thought my upbringing was uptight and conservative…” He whistled and shook his head. “Her parents, mine, Seths; even if our parents werent quite as psycho as his, they were all cut from the same fucked up cloth.”
I grimaced. “Do you think shell try to stop you from telling Dylan?”
He chewed his lip for a moment, then met my eyes. “Its possible. Legally, she cant without taking me to court.”
“Think she would?”
“I dont know if she would or not. Were on speaking terms, the divorce was amicable, but this…” He sighed. “This could be a bit much to ask her to take. Hopefully she wont try to keep Dylan from me over it. Im pretty sure she wouldnt go that far, but you never know.”
“Guess well hope for the best,” I whispered.
Michael nodded. “And, if youre okay with it, Id like you to be there with me to talk to her. And then, assuming that goes well…Dylan.”
I took a breath. “Are you sure its a good idea for him to know were…what we are? I mean, my mom introduced my siblings and me to my stepfather, but didnt tell us they actually had a thing going until she was sure hed be around for a while.”
He watched our fingers lace together between us, then looked me in the eye. “And I agree with that.” He swallowed hard, then sat up a little and leaned in to kiss me. “Thats why I want him to know.”
My breath caught. “You do?”
Michael nodded. “It might be too early in the game to even be thinking like this, but…my gut feeling…” He paused, collecting himself before he continued. “It wouldnt have been this hard to avoid if it was just sex.”
My heart beat a little faster. “No, I dont think it would have.”
“And I dont know what it is ,” he said, “but whatever it is, if were going to do it, then I owe it to my son to be honest. I dont want him growing up thinking gay relationships are strange, and hiding from him is admitting theres something wrong with us.” His fingers went from my face into my hair. “Especially since I think theres a whole lot right with us.”
“And if things dont work out?”
“Then Ill explain that just like Im going to explain this.” He leaned in andkissed me lightly. “Jesus, Jason, I dont know why I thought I could pretend we were just roommates.” He trailed the back of his hand down the side of my face. “Not with the way I feel about you.”
I gulped. “And that is…?”
“Im not even sure, to be honest,” he said. “But I do know I want to be with you, and I want my son to know Im with you.”
And finally— finally —my heart could beat properly again.
“Thats good enough for me.” I put my hand over his and turned my head to kiss his palm. “We already live together. Why rush everything else?”
He smiled, and for the first time tonight, there was nothing tentative or reserved in his expression. Combing his fingers through my hair, he said, “I think I can work with that.”
“Good.” I leaned in to kiss him. “So can I.”
As I drew back, though, a knot formed in the pit of my stomach.
“Something wrong?” he asked.
“I, um…” I took a deep breath. “Theres something you need to know before we go any further.”
“Oh?” He pushed himself up on his elbow and looked at me intently, waiting for me to elaborate.
“This whole thing has been stressing me out,” I said. “So the other night, I was confused. Frustrated. And I dont know, I guess I just needed an outlet, and maybe some advice.”
Michaels brow furrowed, and my stomach knotted tighter.
Wringing my hands in my lap, I went on, “Michael, Im sorry. I didnt even think about it, and I didnt realize what Id said until after I did, but I…” I made myself look him in the eye. “Seth knows.”
His lips parted. “I beg your pardon?”
“Seth knows. About us.” I swallowed. “About…you.”
He cringed. Closing his