William Monk 03 - Defend and Betray

His bones were still not fully formed, his nose just beginning to strengthen and lose its childish outline, his brows to darken.
    “Cassian,” she began quietly.
    “Yes ma’am?” He looked at her, turning his head slowly.
    “Miss Buchan was right, you know. Your mother is not a wicked person, and she does love you very much.”
    “Then why did she kill my papa?” His lip trembled and with great difficulty he stopped himself from crying.
    “You loved your papa very much?”
    He nodded, his hand going up to his mouth.
    The rage inside her made her tremble.
    “You had some special secrets with your papa, didn’t you?”
    His right shoulder came up and for an instant a half smile brushed over his mouth. Then there was fear in his eyes, a guarded look.
    “I’m not going to ask you about it,” she said gently. “Not if he told you not to tell anyone. Did he make you promise?”
    He nodded again.
    “That must have been very difficult for you?”
    “Yes.”
    “Because you couldn’t tell Mama?”
    He looked frightened and backed away half a step.
    “Was that important, not to tell Mama?”
    He nodded slowly, his eyes on her face.
    “Did you want to tell her, at first?”
    He stood quite still.
    Hester waited. Far outside she heard faint murmurs from the street, carriage wheels, a horse’s hooves. Beyond thewindow the leaves flickered in the wind and threw patterns of light across the glass.
    Slowly he nodded.
    “Did it hurt?”
    Again the long hesitation, then he nodded.
    “But it was a very grown-up thing to do, and being a man of honor, you didn’t tell anyone?”
    He shook his head.
    “I understand.”
    “Are you going to tell Mama? Papa said if she ever knew she’d hate me—she wouldn’t love me anymore, she wouldn’t understand, and she’d send me away. Is that what happened?” His eyes were very large, full of fear and defeat, as if in his heart he had already accepted it was true.
    “No.” She swallowed hard. “She went because they took her, not because of you at all. And I’m not going to tell her, but I think perhaps she knows already—and she doesn’t hate you. She’ll never hate you.”
    “Yes she will! Papa said so!” His voice rose in panic and he backed away from her.
    “No she won’t! She loves you very much indeed. So much she is prepared to do anything she can for you.”
    “Then why has she gone away? She killed Papa, Grandmama told me—and Grandpapa said so too. And they’ll take her away and she’ll never come back. Grandmama said so. She said I’ve got to forget her, not think about her anymore! She’s never coming back!”
    “Is that what you want to do—forget her?”
    There was a long silence.
    His hand came up to his mouth again. “I don’t know.”
    “Of course you don’t, I’m sorry. I should not have asked. Are you glad now no one is doing that to you anymore—what Papa did?”
    His eyelids lowered again and he hunched his right shoulder and looked at the ground.
    Hester felt sick.
    “Someone is. Who?”
    He swallowed hard and said nothing.
    “Someone is. You don’t have to tell me who—not if it’s secret.”
    He looked up at her.
    “Someone is?” she repeated.
    Very slowly he nodded.
    “Just one person?”
    He looked down again, frightened.
    “All right—it’s your secret. But if you want any help any time, or someone to talk to, you go to Miss Buchan. She’s very good at secrets, and she understands. Do you hear me?”
    He nodded.
    “And remember, your mama loves you very much, and I am going to try to do everything I can to see that she comes back to you. I promise you.”
    He looked at her with steady blue eyes, slowly filling with tears.
    “I promise,” she repeated. “I’m going to start right now. Remember, if you want to be with somebody, talk to them, you go to Miss Buchan. She’s here all the time, and she understands secrets—promise me?”
    Again he nodded, and turned away as his eyes brimmed over.
    She longed to go over and put her arms around him, let him weep, but if he did he might not be able to regain the composure, the dignity and self-reliance he must have in order to survive the next few days or weeks.
    Reluctantly she turned and went out of the door, closing it softly behind her.
        Hester excused herself to Edith as hastily as possible and without any explanation, then as soon as she was on the pavement she began to walk briskly towards William Street. She hailed the very first hansom she saw