You Look Different in Real Life

Rory a moment to realize she’s said something funny, and then she joins us. I forgot about Rory’s laugh. It changes whatever room she’s in. It is the best thing I’ve heard all day.
    Silence again. Leslie looks at me, then Keira. We haven’t gone yet.
    I’m about to speak when Keira says, “I would tell myself to stop wanting what I’m not allowed to have, and just . . . be . . . present.”
    She says it matter-of-factly, a big statement but gorgeously simple. Leslie looks at her with such love that I find myself stricken with jealousy.
    Now everybody’s staring at me. I’m supposed to say something witty and fresh, to slay them with my brutal honesty. To be Justine .
    What can I say that will trump them all? I go with the first thing that pops into my head and when I say it, I’m not even sure it’s out loud.
    “I would tell myself that it’s all downhill from where you are right now.”
    Dammit. That came out way less funny and much more self-pitying than I meant it to. Leslie, who has been moving around the table with her camera, stops and lowers it. She looks at me and it’s not with the mega-love she gave Keira but, rather, intense curiosity. Like, Who the hell is this kid and what the hell are we going to do with her?
    After a few horrible moments where everyone gets very busy with their snacks, Leslie says, “Okay, then. That was my icebreaker. I think the ice is broken.”
    Everyone laughs nervously, but the truth is, the ice is not really broken. Maybe the glaze has been rubbed off a little, so we’re not going to slip and fall on our asses trying to cross it, but I don’t see so much as a crack.
    “So now,” continues Leslie, “I’d like you to think of your favorite memory of another person from that film. Or maybe it’s not even a favorite, just one that sticks in your head.”
    Once again, it’s Nate who speaks first. “Keira, playingthat board game with her mom and dad.” He addresses Leslie when he says this.
    “Can you say that again, but say it to Keira? I’d like you guys to look at the person you’re talking about.”
    Nate looks a little chastised, hurt, like he did something wrong, but he flashes Blinding Smile Number Twelve and turns to Keira as naturally as he can. “My favorite memory from that first film is of you, Keira, and your parents. Playing that board game. The three of you in one place at one time, enjoying something.”
    Keira grins politely, but you can tell this has caused her pain. Physical pain, like her chair has suddenly grown spikes. She can’t shift in the seat enough to be comfortable. Finally, she looks at Leslie.
    “Am I supposed to tell him thank you?”
    “Why don’t you tell him about your favorite memory of him?”
    Keira turns to Nate without missing a beat. “I remember when you were giving the tour of the orchards. It was so adorable! You were, like, the world’s tiniest apple ambassador.”
    Nate smiles, but there’s something behind it. A flicker of sadness. It’s fascinating, how they managed to wound each other so easily and accidentally.
    Felix has been waiting to jump in, as evidenced by his tapping fingers against the table. Now that there’s a pause in the talking, he goes for it.
    “Justine,” he says, staring at me. “I know everyone talks about the scene where your mom and dad drive you to the hospital. But for me, it’s when the doctor comes in and talks to your parents about how they couldn’t find anything wrong. You’re coloring in bed and the camera stays on you the whole time, and we only hear everyone else’s voices. I can still close my eyes and see you sitting there, listening and filling up a whole blank page with orange crayon.”
    I see Leslie nodding fondly but I don’t even glance at the others. I don’t want to know how they think of this scene, which took up more screen time than any other scene in that film. Lance and Leslie just kept the cameras rolling and barely edited it.
    So now it feels like Felix has tagged me, and it’s my turn to say something. I could right-back-at-you to Felix, which he’s surely expecting. But where does that leave Rory?
    The truth is, all of my favorite scenes from Five at Six are with Rory. Rory walking in the woods with her dog, explaining why her father was out of work and the kind of jobs she thought he was most qualified for, like a lifeguard or town mayor. Or Rory and her family holding a yard sale, and Rory having a meltdown when some guy wanted to