You Look Different in Real Life

Nate votes for the online encyclopedia. I do too, although I feel like I’m cheating. The encyclopedia is news to me but makes perfect Felix-sense.
    When it’s time to reveal the answer, Felix just says to Lance and Leslie with raised eyebrows: “You guys should probably be thanking me. I corrected a lot of wrong information on those pages.” They don’t look like they want to thank him.
    “Felix,” says Pam. “I like how the truth you came up with is something to do with the bond you all share.” Felix looks at the ground. For someone so desperate for approval, he’s not good with compliments. “Okay. Who’s next?”
    Keira holds up one long finger, and Pam nods at her. She stares into the fire for a few moments and then says, “I like to pretend I have migraines. Sometimes I’ll do it at school when I need a break, and I make sure the nurse tells my dad. Because my mother used to get them all thetime and I know he’s afraid I might have the same, uh, issues as her. It’s like a little weapon for me, for when I’m mad at him for pressuring me into something.”
    This sounds alarming and she must realize that, because she quickly adds: “For instance, agreeing to do this film, just so we could show the world how okay we have been.” She stops, then starts again. “Also, my girlfriends are like sisters to me and I would never, ever think of them as total bitches.”
    Keira says all this matter-of-factly, almost reciting it while gazing at the flames. My eyes go to Nate, who is regarding her with protective worry, but there’s something off about it. It’s not even brotherly. It’s more . . . paternal.
    I’m guessing we’re all taking a moment to process the same thing here, that Keira has sneakily told us two very personal truths and zero lies. No earths have been shattered by the revelation that Keira thinks her friends are bitches, because they are, but it’s a relief to hear she agrees.
    “I’m sorry you feel that way about your friends,” says Rory. Nobody is doing the voting thing.
    I’m focused on the irony of the headache fact. It’s the flip side of my situation, but feels strangely similar.
    “I still get stomach cramps all the time,” I say suddenly, forgetting that we were supposed to guess atKeira’s statements or whose turn it might be next. “I hide them from my parents. So you and I, we’re kind of like opposites.”
    Now, Keira’s eyes unlock from the fire and shift to me. To mine. In an instant she’s the same Keira she was five minutes ago, but also the Keira I remember from kindergarten, and a totally new and unfamiliar Keira as well. One with a dark side.
    I guess we all find our little ways to stay in control.
    Keira seems about to speak to me, to me , her face soft and her jaw slack, when Rory says, “You have to say a second thing, Justine.”
    Everyone else is looking at me expectantly. “Okay. Um. I am, in fact, wearing day-of-the-week underwear. But just to be a rebel about it, I never wear the right day.”
    The other kids and the crew laugh. Again, it makes me so happy. This time I’m not afraid to show it.
    Pam, however, sighs and actually rolls her eyes, which seems very un-Pamlike. “This would be a really great activity if you’d take it seriously.”
    “ I took it seriously,” says Felix.
    “Me too,” adds Rory.
    “I know you did,” says Pam.
    “It’s late,” says Leslie, finally piping up. “They’ve been at school all day. Why don’t we try again tomorrow, now that we’ve all got the hang of it? Nate and Rory, you don’tmind, do you? You didn’t get a turn.”
    Nate and Rory shrug. Pam gives Leslie a sharp glance. Leslie sees that glance, and raises it one proprietary suggestion . “But I would like to wrap tonight with Felix doing a song. It’s a campfire and all, and he did lug his keyboard all the way out here. Felix, that still cool?”
    Felix nods, but not with the enthusiasm I would have expected from him at this request. Nobody ever asks Felix to sing, even if this isn’t an ideal situation. Still, he takes the keyboard out of its case, rests it on his lap in the canvas chair. Turns it on. Waits for Leslie to find a good spot with the second camera and finally takes his cue.
    He plays into the night and I learn something else: When you’re outside on a mountain with nothing but infinite sky and stars and rising campfire smoke above you, when you’re in a situation where everything is screwed up but also seems