12th of Never

down.”
    “Ron, c’mon. He’s jerking us around.” “I don’t think so.”
    “Really?”
    “I told him that if he fucked us over, I’d have him transferred to the Q.”
    San Quentin is the oldest prison in California, with a death row that is the most decrepit, overpopulated hellhole imaginable. Originally built to hold forty-five prisoners, it now has a population of 725 convicted killers and more condemned dirtbags on the way every week.
    Fish wouldn’t like it there. No one ever did.
    “So the Q is the stick,” I said.
    “Yup. And here’s the carrot. If he helps, he gets one of those electronic book readers. Depending on how many of his victims he leads us to, we’ll talk about taking the needle off the table.”
    “I still say he’s conning us.”
    “You could be right. Still a good bet that Fish may have had an attack of conscience.”
    I said, “Fish has the conscience of a fish.”
    Ron laughed.
    We made a plan.
    Then I drove to the hospital to see my baby girl.

Chapter 64
    I KNEW HOW to get to the neonatal ICU by heart. My baby was there. I could have found her in a blackout. Without a flashlight. With both hands cuffed behind my back.
    I took the first elevator in the bank and rode it to the fourth floor, a place that had been furnished in vanilla and soft lights, designed for the newly opened eyes of the preemies who were housed there most often.
    When the elevator opened, I stopped at the desk, exchanged pleasantries with the receptionist as I signed in, then I headed toward the waiting room. The walls, carpeting, and the furnishings throughout followed a vanilla color scheme.
    I found Joe slumped in a pale armchair, newspapers falling off his lap, his eyes closed. I called out to him.
    He smiled, said, “Hey, sweetie.” He stood and I went into his arms.
    “How is she?” I asked.
    “She’s sleeping quietly.”
    “Any news?”
    “I don’t think we’ll hear anything today—”
    The woman in the seat next to me was in her early twenties, wearing a red tracksuit and running shoes.
    She said, “I made this for Scotty. Want to see?”
    I said that I did and she took out a little knitted outfit, blue and white, with a pom-pom on the top of the hat. Her husband was sitting next to her. He said that he was going outside to use the phone.
    Just then, pandemonium cut loose.
    There was a loud beeping, like a truck’s backing-up alert, and simultaneously a voice came over the intercom: “Code blue in NICU. Code blue.”
    I screamed, “Oh, God.” I bolted out of my chair and pitched myself toward the NICU’s swinging double doors. Joe ran along with me as I rounded the bend and headed to the windowed room at the end of the hall. I pulled up short, saw only the infant incubators lined up in four rows of four—when a nurse closed curtains across the window.
    I hadn’t been able to pick out my baby. I hadn’t been able to see Julie.
    Three doctors pushing a crash cart blew through the doorway. I tried to see around them, but the door closed in my face.
    I clutched at Joe and said, “It’s Julie, I just feel it, Joe.”
    He shushed me and held me and walked me back to the waiting room, where we sat with three other sets of parents who were nearly paralyzed with fear.
    We were all strangers to each other, yet drawn together like people in a lifeboat, watching as the ocean liner goes down.
    And then a doctor left the NICU and came toward us.
    He stood in the alcove, pulled down his mask, and looked around. I didn’t know him.
    But still, his eyes locked on mine.

Chapter 65
    THE ICU DOCTOR was looking straight at me when he said, “Are Scott Riley’s parents here?”
    The young woman sitting next to me, the mom who had knitted the outfit for her son, stood up and said, “I’m Scotty’s mom. Is there a problem, Doctor?”
    “Let’s walk a little,” he said.
    I watched them go out into the hallway. I was afraid for Scott’s mother, hoping that the doctor would tell her that her baby was out of danger. But Mrs. Riley screamed, her voice echoing in the hallway.
    “Nooo, no, no. It can’t be. I just saw him this morning and he was fine.”
    Mr. Riley ran toward his wife, who had dropped to her knees and was rocking herself as she sobbed. Scott’s father said to the doctor, “Who are you? I’ve never seen you before. Maybe you’ve mixed up the babies. I know Scotty is going to be fine.”
    Nurses swarmed into the hallway and helped Mrs. Riley to her feet, tried to walk her