A Body to die for

me.
    When I saw Leeza walk up to our table, I realized that Max and Alex shared something else. Namely, their attraction to Leeza. She seemed as shocked as I was, staring numbly at Max with her mouth open. Max kicked me under the table. I kicked him back harder. He flashed me a warning smile and whispered, “Easy, Wanda.”
    “I can tell by your expressions that you’re as struck by Leeza’s beauty as I was when I first laid eyes on her this afternoon,” Alex shared. “She’s radiant. A shining light, beaming across the aerobics room and into my heart.” It was hard for me to recall Alex ever waxing so poetically over my radiant beauty. I did get a few, “Ain’t she cute?” to strangers on the street. I stared at him. Then her. I wasn’t quite sure where to vent my spleen short of a hospital.
    I knocked my chair back as I stood. “These are my men, Leeza,” I announced loudly. So much for not making a scene. Max and Alex acted surprised to learn this. “And keep your grubby hands off them,” I added.
    Alex asked, “Why on earth would Leeza put her delicate, flowerlike hands on Max?” He said Max like a curse.
    “Are you saying that Max isn’t good enough for the flower’s attention?” I asked.
    Alex glared at me. “Well, maybe I am.”
    I retorted, “Once again, you know not from whence you talk out your asshole.”
    “The hell,” he answered.
    Alex and I began to circle each other like rams. Max sat patiently and watched. Seconds before we came to blows, Leeza squeaked, “Remember how I said I came to New York to see an old boyfriend? Well, heh, Max is the guy.”
    Alex froze midcircle. “About fucking time,” I complained and drew up my chair to sit down, the legs screeching across the floor.
    Max kicked me under the table again. I turned toward him. He whispered, “If you still want Alex, you can have him.” He then folded his arms across his chest and looked away.
    He’d totally missed the point. I’d been defending his vanity. I said to Leeza, “Don’t worry—Alex has really cut down on his compulsive handwashing.”
    Leeza brushed hair off Alex’s glowing red face. A strand of her bouncing blond hair spilled across her collarbone. She said, “Max and I dated for a while when I lived in Washington.” She bit her pink lip. “It was years ago, Alex.”
    Alex considered this. “I don’t think I’ll be able to accept this tonight, but in time, I should recover from the shock and even find the humor in it.”
    “You’ll be way ahead of me,” I said. I already saw the humor in it, but I still might not recover. The fact that I’d slept with both of the most important men in my life (at different times, that is) wasn’t always convenient. And if Leeza played her cards, oh, just about any old way later that night, she’d add Alex’s notch to her hosebag. It was like having secondhand sex with Leeza. If Max and Alex did it, then the circle would be complete. I decided not to suggest it.
    “The waitress should be here any second,” Max said, obviously uncomfortable. He caught my eye. “Female waiter. Just waiter, Christ.”
    “Maybe we shouldn’t have dinner together,” I suggested. I went the spiteful and immature route.
    “If you’ve got a problem with me, Wanda, then say so,” Leeza challenged. Max waved his arm to beckon the Ukrainian teenager.
    I laughed. “I’ve got a problem with your kissing my boyfriend on the Promenade, with your dislocating my shoulder, with your blowing my best friend—and ex-lover—in the aerobics studio. And I also hate women with perfect bodies as a rule.”
    Alex was aghast. “She was not in the aerobics studio.”
    “Can you please try to get along? Wanda? Leeza?” Max asked the ceiling. That’s where he was looking, anyway.
    “Take your lesbian fantasy and shove it.” That was me.
    “God, you’re being entirely unreasonable,” protested Max.
    “She can’t help it,” said Alex.
    “She can learn to,” countered Max.
    “If someone doesn’t start paying attention to me now, I’m leaving.” That was Leeza. Alex immediately turned toward her and started stroking her arm. She stared at me the whole time with a slow smile on her face. She sure knew how to be a bitch. I like that in a woman, if I didn’t hate her already.
    Max finally flagged down the waiter and she gave Leeza and Alex menus. They read. I watched them examine the food choices and wondered how either of them would eat. For the hell of it, I kicked