A Man Named Dave

alone. But now time, experience, and maturity have become valuable allies for me.
    Because of all that was stacked against me, I should have never made it. Not a single day passes that, no matter how strenuous, hair-pulling, or defeating the day may have been, I do not thank my lucky stars. I appreciate everything – from a soggy, cold hamburger that has been sitting in the car for hours as I make my way to the airport in the middle of the night, to struggling to find the precise answer to someone’s problem even after speaking nonstop for the entire day. I cherish every breath, spend hours staring at the delicate, vibrantly colored petals of flowers, become excited at the touch of my lover’s fingers, or love to hear the sound of my son’s laugh. Perhaps because of my past, the most important things for me are still the simplest – feeling the sun’s warm rays upon my back or gazing up at the clear blue sky. Even to this day, I would not change one moment of my life. If it all ends now, I have lived, I have learned, and I have been loved. The greatest lesson is the gift of life, and no matter what, tomorrow is always another day.
    There are still times when I am overwhelmed by immense feelings of hollowness, guilt, and fear of anyone becoming too close to me. It is something I will have to stand up to on a daily basis. All I can do is maintain my vow that I took years ago when I was eight years old, immediately after my mother had burned my arm on the gas stove. From this day forward I will never give up. From this day forward I will give everything my all. As an adult I expect nothing less from myself.
    When my time comes, I would like to know that I have repaid my debt to those who have made a difference in my life. And to be at peace knowing that I stopped the cancer from spreading to those I love.

 
Claire Frazier-Yzaguirre,
M. Div., MFCC
    Marriage and family therapist
     
    As a full-time marriage and family therapist, I have been involved for many years with people who’ve suffered childhood trauma and its tremendous impact in their lives as adults. Together with my husband, Dr John Yzaguirre, we are passionate about empowering people to overcome this cycle of hurting themselves and others, and create dynamic and healthy families. We believe that relationships, where priority is given to cooperation and unity, are at the very heart of not only preventing the hurt, but will create in us the ability to become a culture of caring that will renew our society from the devastating effects of the indifference, domination, and submission that characterize toxic relationships.
    I love reading and sharing stories about people who’ve experienced triumph over tragedy. And the best part, for me always, is how someone can reclaim their power through pain and inspire others with hope and healing. It was on just such a day of story gathering in a nearby bookstore that I came across Dave Pelzer’s poignant and heartbreaking story. As I devoured his incredible story in A Child Called “It” and The Lost Boy, I knew I had to talk with Dave about how he was able to transform his immense suffering into a life of helping others.
    As I read A Man Named Dave, I found myself reading from all my own experiential perspectives – as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, friend, minister, and therapist – and wept most during his tender and so-long-awaited reunion with his father, his excruciating confrontation with his mother, his joyous discovery of Marsha as his life mate, and later his heart-to-heart talk with his precious son, Stephen. At long last I, along with countless of you reading, could understand how Dave answered the many questions of his life. How he came to forgive his brutal mother for the years of torture through the life-restoring skill of empathy. How he came to forgive his passive father, who died in his arms, for not stopping the abuse, finding a way of giving up hateful lies that bind, and commending each of these wounded and incompetent parents to God. And ultimately how he, equipped with empathy, forgiveness, and the love of supportive relationships, could help others find the way too.
    It is exciting to witness Dave’s triumph over tragedy through the power of forgiveness and love! Dave’s whole story can be seen as a testament to the endurance of the human spirit. I rejoice with and for him, and for all who will be touched by this tender yet powerful trilogy. I am also sobered and motivated (you, too?) by the fact