A Memory of Light

Emarin?
    Logain . . . will not last much longer. Pevara’s sending was laced with fatigue and growing resignation. What are . . . She cut off, thoughts growing muddled. Burn me! What are we going to do?
    Logain screamed in pain. He hadn’t done that before. It seemed a very bad sign. By the doorway, Evin stood and watched. He looked over his shoulder suddenly, jumping at something.
    Light, Androl thought. Could it be . . . his madness, caused by the taint? Is it still there?
    Androl noticed for the first time that he was shielded, which they never did to captives unless letting their dose of forkroot wane so they could be Turned.
    That sent a spike of panic through him. Were they coming for him next?
    Androl? Pevara sent. I have an idea.
    What?
    Androl started coughing through his gag. Evin jumped, then came over, bringing out his water flask and pouring water on the gag. Abors—one of Taim’s flunkies—lounged against the wall. He was holding the shield. He glanced at Androl, but something at the other side of the room drew his attention.
    Androl coughed worse, so Evin untied the gag and rolled him to the side, letting him spit out the water.
    “Quiet now,” Evin said, glancing back at Abors, who was too far away to hear. “Don’t make them angry at you, Androl.”
    The Turning of a man to the Shadow was not perfect. While it changed their allegiance, it did not change everything about them. The thing in Evin’s head had his memories, his personality, and—the Light send—his failings.
    “Have you convinced them?” Androl whispered. “Not to kill me?”
    “I have!” Evin said, leaning low, eyes frenzied. “They keep saying you’re useless, since you can’t channel very well, but none of them like making gateways to shuffle people about. I told them you’d do it for them. You will, won’t you?”
    “Of course,” Androl said. “It’s better than dying.”
    Evin nodded. “They stopped your dose of forkroot. They’ll take you next, after Logain. M’Hael was finally sent new women from the Great Lord, women who aren’t tired from channeling all the time. Them and Toveine and the Reds mean it should go quickly now. M’Hael should have Logain by the end of the day.”
    “I’ll serve them,” Androl said. “I’ll swear to the Great Lord.”
    “That’s good, Androl,” Evin said. “But we can’t let you go until you’ve been Turned. M’Hael won’t accept just an oath. It will be all right. I told them that you’d Turn easily. You will, won’t you? Not resisting?”
    “I won’t resist.”
    “Thank the Great Lord,” Evin said, relaxing.
    Oh, Evin. You never were terribly bright.
    “Evin,” Androl said softly, “you need to watch out for Abors. You know that, right?”
    “I’m one of them now, Androl,” Evin said. “I don’t have to worry about them.”
    “That’s good,” Androl whispered. “What I heard him say about you must have been nothing.”
    Evin fidgeted. That look in his eyes ... it was fright. The taint had been cleansed. Jonneth, Emarin and the other new Asha’man would never have to suffer the madness.
    It manifested differently in different Asha’man, and at different rates. However, the fear was the most common. It came in waves; it had been consuming Evin when the cleansing happened. Androl had seen Asha’man need to be put down as the taint overwhelmed them. He knew that look in Evin’s eyes well. Though the lad had been Turned, he still carried the madness with him. He would do so forever.
    “What did he say?” Evin said.
    “He didn’t like it that you had been Turned,” Androl said. “He thinks you’ll take his place.”
    “Oh.”
    “Evin ... he might be planning to kill you. Take care.”
    Evin stood up. “Thank you, Androl.”
    He walked away, leaving Androl ungagged.
    That. . . can’t possibly work, Pevara sent drowsily.
    She hadn’t lived among them long enough. She hadn’t seen what the madness could do, and didn’t know to recognize it in the eyes of the Asha’man. Normally, when one of them became like this, they would take him and confine him until he rode it out. If that didn’t work, Taim added something to their wine, and they didn’t wake up.
    If they weren’t stopped, they would descend to destruction. They would kill those closest to them, lashing out first at people they should have loved.
    Androl knew that madness. He knew it was inside of him, too. That is a mistake, Taim, he thought. You use our own friends