Again (Brandy Jeffus)

tossed in the middle of my drama. It isn’t fair.
    "B, it's okay. Like I said that was cool. I don't have a problem with being on TV, I was doing my job. And I was helping you and Ms. Cindy." He smiles at me and stands. He crosses to the couch and looks through the blinds. "It looks like they're all gone. You want to go to the store now? Or wait a little bit longer?" He peers down at me.
    "Um, aren't you on duty or something? Now that they're gone, I can take myself to the store."
    Instantly, guilt courses through my body, I sound like a rude bitch. I look up at Eli’s frowning face. My cheeks heats up as embarrassment takes over. I’m acting like a brat.
    "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude. You're being really nice and I appreciate the help, I really do but-"
    Eli holds up a hand, stopping me, "It’s alright, B. You're not being rude, so don't apologize. It's just that I'm really happy I helped you, that’s all.”
    “I’m just in a bad mood today. I’m sorry.”
    He breathes deep and sits down next to me, making sure not to get too close. "You know, it's weird for me too sometimes. I just want to start where we used to be? As friends, of course. You're like my oldest friend, you know that right?” His grin is big and goofy and I feel something stir in my belly. A warm sensation passes through me and I feel my bad mood start to ebb away.
    I nod, too shocked at his sudden confession to vocalize an answer.
    "I don't want this tension, this uncomfortable feeling surrounding us. I don't want you to hate me. I'm sorry I'm being so pushy. I'm sorry Ms. Cindy is being so pushy too," he laughs and his face relaxes a little, "She's so intent on getting things back to how they were. It's kind of sweet."
    He reaches over and holds my hand. It feels so normal . Like the last six years hasn't happened and we’re 18 again. Our hands have always felt like they were made to fit together.
    When I don’t protest or pull away he continues talking, "I'm actually off duty right now and I would love to be able to accompany you to the grocery store. I just want to protect you, Bonnie. I don't want those douche bags around you, hounding you. You've been through enough."
    Nodding again, I whisper, "That's very nice of you," then out of nowhere and without thinking, I blurt out, "Isn't your wife wondering why you're spending so much time over with us Jinks’?"
    He laughs, “I’m not married. No wife wondering where I am."
    "Girlfriend?"
    "Nope. Actually, I haven't had one in a while," he answers. I look up into his eyes and my stomach twists sharply. Those stunning sea green eyes have always been my weakness.
    "Why are you asking?" His voice has gone soft, teasing me. His eyes have that familiar twinkle and a lump forms in my throat. He is so striking. So completely handsome. So familiar.
    I begin to cry then, tears falling down my face. Eli's expression changes immediately and he puts his arm around me.
    Six years cannot take away the pain this man had brought me, but it also cannot take away the complete longing I have always felt when near him.
    "I just can't help it. I just want to hate you. Hate you so much for what happened, but I can't. Not anymore. When you're around, it's so easy for things to feel like they used to, before that day. Part of me wants that, craves it.” I confess my head buried in his chest. I feel him heave a big sigh and his grip tightens slightly.
    He’s silent though, so I continue, "Mama told me to remember that we were friends first. She’s right; you've always been there for me. You’ve been there for most of my life. It still hurts so much to be around you because I just want you and I to be like it used to. I'm just really confused. I'm sorry."
    Looking up into Eli’s handsome face calms me. It’s the same face that I’ve kissed a million times. Those eyes that I used to daydream about in art class, his heart shaped lips that promised me forever. All the curves and valleys were so familiar. My hand reaches out to caress his cheek.
    Eli sighs and pulls away to kiss my forehead. My throat tightens up and fire is just consuming me on the inside. I’m in danger of crying again.
    "Bonnie, do you remember what my note said? How you'll always have my heart?" I nod and he continues, "It was true, and it’s still true. I know this isn't the right time for us, but maybe it will be soon. I feel it. I haven't stopped loving you."
    He kisses me then, soft and sweetly. My heart quickens and