Alien Diplomacy

anything, don’t worry.”
    “Good.”
    “I wish you were here. I need Gay Fashion Support. Desperately.”
    “I know. And, like Reynolds, I’ve got a fix that will help you not only with shopping but with the Washington Wife class, too.”
    “Oh, yeah? There’s an Uzi in the backseat?”
    Reader laughed. “Nope. Something much, much better.”
    “Yeah? What?”
    “You’ll find out. Love you, babe.” Reader hung up.
    The driver opened the door, and a slim, reasonably attractive man got out. I felt my mouth drop open. He smiled at me. “Kitty, darling, you look radiant. Motherhood agrees, I see.”
    “Pierre!”
    “In the flesh, darling, in the flesh.”
    “What are you doing here?”
    He grinned. “What I do best, darling. Saving the day.”
    I shoved Len at the stroller and ran and gave Pierre a big hug. “I can’t express my joy.”
    He patted my back. “So Jimmy said, darling.” He took my shoulders and held me at arm’s length. “Still have our wonderful, feminine figure, I see.” Pierre shot a derisive look at the dress shop. “But clearly Jimmy was right. You need a guardian before you get lost in the forest of heinous fashion choices.”
    I introduced Pierre to the boys as the limo’s former driver, and his A-C shotgun, wandered off and then came right back, armed with another limo filled with A-Cs. Clearly Alpha Team had decided we weren’t to be left alone, and Jeff had decided that Len was required to function as a shield when we weren’t driving.
    Oliver joined us, grinning from ear to ear. “That was fun.”
    “Pierre, Mister Joel Oliver, head paparazzo for the World Weekly News . MJO, this is Pierre, the best hairdresser, deejay, and all around fix-it man on the planet.”
    They shook paws. “Jimmy’s told me all about you, Mister Joel,” Pierre said. “I happen to love your articles. You also capture your subjects extremely well. You’re a clear talent in a field filled with dilettantes.”
    Oliver opened his mouth, cocked his head at Pierre, and laughed. “Mister Joel is acceptable under the circumstances. And thank you. It’s rare to find anyone who appreciates what I do.”
    Pierre grinned. “So pleased. And trust me, dearest, people do appreciate, particularly those of us in the beauty business. Clients do love to escape while they’re under the dryer, don’t they?” He rubbed his hands together. “Now, while you load up the car, I hear there’s a precious little princess who needs to meet her Uncle Pierre.”
    I got Jamie out and let Pierre hold her. She cooed and giggled. “So, Pierre, not that I’m in any way unhappy to see you, but what are you doing here? We’re a long way from Vegas. Are you vacationing or something?”
    Pierre made a goo-goo face at Jamie, then looked over to me. “Darling. Please. Jimmy explained all about your new mission and how you and your compadres are not, shall we say, managing as well as we could hope.”
    “I’m kind of screwing up constantly, yeah.”
    Pierre snorted. “I doubt you’re anything but practically perfect in every way, darling. Besides, from what Jimmy said, you weren’t the one who planned the little soirée that went so very wrong.”
    “Oh. Right. Yeah.” Mr. Joel Oliver looked like he knew aboutthis, but the boys looked confused. “Amy threw a little party for our Embassy neighbors, just to sort of say hi.”
    “What’s wrong with that?” Kyle asked.
    Pierre coughed. “Your lovely Embassy is friendly with all, as I understand it. Your neighbors are not so openhearted.”
    “Apparently Latvia, Romania, and Egypt aren’t really speaking to each other right now, and everyone’s upset with Ireland for something. The folks from Luxembourg were really supportive, though.”
    “As I understand it, fisticuffs were exchanged,” Pierre said flatly.
    “There was a small brawl, yes. We were able to save the good china and crystal.” Only because Jeff, Christopher, and Doreen had all used hyperspeed, but that wasn’t important now. Besides, no one had noticed. They were too busy cheering for whichever side of the fight they felt they were on.
    “First fight of the year,” Oliver confirmed. “You started off in style.”
    “They’re all really nice people, though. I don’t get why they got upset.”
    “Too much alcohol, wrong foods being served, no understanding of the current relationship crises, unawareness of the variety of dalliances, forgot to invite several nearby and considered