Alien Diplomacy

‘in your neighborhood’ diplomats.” Pierre rattled this off as if he were making a shopping list while the boys got the stroller into the car, confirmed the new car seat was securely fastened, and helped me lock and load Jamie into it. “I could go on.”
    “Please don’t. Again, why are you here?”
    Len got into the driver’s seat, Pierre and I sat on either side of Jamie, with Oliver across from us, Kyle closed the door, got into the shotgun seat, and Len pulled away from the curb. The other limo followed us, the two human agents in the front seat, the A-Cs filling up the back to capacity. I hadn’t been in a limo parade since Operation Fugly. I enjoyed the nostalgic moment.
    Pierre looked at me as if it were obvious. “Darling, I’m your newest employee.”
    “Excuse me?”
    “I’m the new Majordomo Concierge for the American Centaurion Embassy and its Diplomatic Corps.”
    My jaw dropped. “We have such a position?”
    “You do now,” Pierre said. He leaned forward and handed Oliver a piece of paper and indicated he should hand it to Kyle, which Oliver obediently did. “Len, darling, please head us to the address Kyle now holds in his big man-hands, if you’d be so kind.”
    Len nodded with a grin, Kyle grunted and I noted he was blushing again, and we headed off. “Where are we going?” I asked as Pierre tickled Jamie.
    “Directly to a designer, darling.” He shook his head. “Appalling, that a dignitary of your level was actually going to grace a chain establishment with your presence, let alone your money.”
    “I have a level?”
    “You do, darling, you do.” Pierre heaved a sigh—of contentment, I was pretty sure. “And now that I’m here, we’re going to ensure you’re aware of where and what it is, and then I’ll handle all the little details while you and your Jeff get to relax and actually enjoy being attached to the exciting mission that is now yours to have and to hold.”
    Oliver leaned forward and shook Pierre’s hand again. “Trust me when I tell you that you’ve arrived just in the nick of time.”



CHAPTER 14
    S HOPPING WITH PIERRE was an entirely different experience, one I was fairly sure the boys could happily never have again but that I enjoyed on a whole variety of levels, relief being the foremost among them.
    I’d had no idea that D.C. had a thriving fashion industry, including some name and up-and-coming designers, but it shouldn’t have shocked me. There was a lot of money floating around, and that kind of honey attracted its own level of really expensive and exclusive bees.
    I sent some texts back and forth to Reader and Chuckie and was only somewhat surprised to learn that Pierre had been fully briefed on pretty much everything, including the fact that he was now working for a foreign principality—to take the term “foreign” to its most extreme form. Apparently Pierre would have been on board sooner, but Chuckie had run him through every security check he could think of and any other C.I.A. tests lying around, all of which took time.
    Per Chuckie, Pierre passed with flying colors—and at a higher rate than most of Centaurion Division. I chose not to ask any questions, particularly where I’d landed on Chuckie’s Super Secret Spy-o-Meter tests. If my luck was holding firm, I was at the bottom, with “why is she allowed security access to an ATM machine let alone more” on a Post-it next to my name.
    Because Pierre was cleared at the highest security levels now, we could discuss the exploding limo, Mr. Joel Oliver’s stealth stalkers, the NASCAR taxis, and the potential assassination attempt in front of and with him. When we were all in the limo. When we wereout of it, more time was spent on my measurements, all of them, including feet, than anything else.
    Fabrics, colors, and accessories came up, too. My input remained minimal. No one was interested in what I wanted, since all were clear that I had no idea. I knew better than to suggest something in an Aerosmith logo pattern, but nothing else I was coming up with seemed worthwhile, so I shut up, stood there, and listened to Pierre rattle off requirements like we were prepping to take to the Himalayas on some elephants and needed to look awesome doing it.
    Somehow, Pierre expected the designers to come up with a fab ensemble for me, and ones for Amy and Doreen, whose measurements he already had, in about a day. Considering Doreen was ready to give birth at any moment, I was amazed the