Alien in the Family

and Gregory. It was sort of even, or would have been if there hadn’t been three extra Amazons helping the other side. Only Moira and Kyrellis had the staffs.
    “Why don’t the grunts have the battle staff?”
    “It has to be earned.”
    “I’m a brown belt in kung fu. And I’ve been staff trained.” Okay, sort of a lie. Not on the staff trained, on the belt level. I hadn’t tested for brown yet. Because I kept missing the test for end-of-the-world crap. But I was ready, my sifu said so. Well, he’d said I was ready to learn if I was really up to brown standards, but I took that to mean I was ready for black and just needed to hurry it up.
    “I don’t know—” Queen Renata was interrupted by a bunch of battle staffs dropping to the ground in front of us.
    “I’m with the Naked Ape,” Jareen said. “Let’s get in there and kick some evil overlord butt.” I realized it was the first time I’d heard her talk.
    I grabbed a battle staff, and so did she. “Jareen, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
    She gave me the Iguanodon smile. “Neeraj never wants to let me do anything, either. Because I always end up saving him.”
    “Ain’t it the truth, soul sister? But you have to love them anyway. Especially when they’re totally hot.”
    “You can tell Neeraj is hot?” she asked, sounding surprised.
    I shrugged. “He said you were the queen of hotness on your planet. Didn’t figure he was barking, therefore, by your standards.”
    Queen Renata showed me how to activate the battle staff. It was easy. It felt like any other staff, but seemed weighted like a javelin. No worries, my sadistic track coaches had wanted everyone to know how to do every single track and field event, so in case someone was sick, one of the rest of us could cover. The less said about my pole-vaulting the better, but I hadn’t been awful at javelin.
    Our side was getting pummeled. I saw two of my flyboys down, Joe and Walker. I also saw Lorraine kicking butt while protecting them. “Can one of you hyperspeed a battle staff to the three A-C girls on our side?” I felt someone go past me and looked around. Wrolph and three battle staffs were missing. Lorraine started spinning something. Claudia next, then Serene.
    Wrolph was back. “The second female needs help.” He meant Claudia, I assumed, because she was surrounded. Wrolph didn’t wait for anyone to comment, he disappeared again, and reappeared next to her.
    “So, guys? You gonna let Wrolph have all the fun and the glory?”
    “Our side is not doing well,” Willem admitted as more Amazons appeared.
    “Our side’s about to lose. This is where, in chess, the queen comes in.”
    “The queen also comes in when you’re about to win.” Felicia pointed. Uma was there with the new contingent of warrior women, and she was swinging something that looked remarkably like a battle ax. She was also glowing.
    “Three guesses where the Free Women’s PPB net is currently being housed, and the first two don’t count.”
    The others around me all nodded. “It’s time to fight,” Queen Renata said. “To avenge the ills done to our people and to save the lives of our new friends.”
    They took off, with a lot of snarling, hissing, yowling, and banshee screaming. Only Jareen and I were still standing there.
    “I’ll stick with you,” she said. “At least for a while.”
    “Works for me, girlfriend.” I pulled my iPod out of my purse while I took my shoes off. “Not being rude, just need some tunes.” I took Poofikins out and put it into the pocket of Martini’s jacket. Reality told me my purse had to stay here and hold down the fort by itself.
    “I understand. Same here. Our players are a little different, but the effect is the same.” She fiddled with something, and I heard faint, odd sounds.
    I tuned my iPod to my new Fight Songs mix. Ironically enough, ‘We Want the Airwaves’ by the Ramones was song number one. “All ready?”
    “Yes.”
    “Then, Jareen? Let’s go show these interstellar assholes how Naked Apes and Iguanodons do things out here in the wild, wild West.”

CHAPTER 51

    WE TOOK OFF. I was a hurdler with a perfect four-step and she was a Giant Lizard, but we were in complete sync with each other.
    We hit the people around Chuckie and Alexander first. I should have had more trouble with the staff than I was. This dawned on me when I sliced off an Amazon’s head right before she could break Chuckie’s