Alien in the Family

because King Creepola was in front of us.
    The king stopped at a stair landing about fifty steps above us and looked around. “The Rituals are completed!” His voice boomed. He wasn’t bellowing like Martini—it was more like he was speaking through a super-duper sound system.
    “How’s he doing that?”
    “Troubadour.” Martini sounded as unimpressed with that skill as Christopher had when he’d told me about it. “Vocal projection is one of the traits.”
    “Well, that explains a lot.” Most actors don’t want to give up the gig of a lifetime, after all. I detached from Martini. “Wait here, Jeff.”
    I took off my headphones, put my iPod into a jacket pocket, and started up the stairs at a trot. The king was glaring at me. I didn’t care. He wasn’t getting to win with no pieces left on the board. I did have a question, though. ACE, how is it I can understand him and see him move at human speeds?
    ACE is providing translations for sight and sound. All will understand and see each other.
    You rock. I looked up. Sadly, I was still a lot of steps away from the king.
    “You are found not worthy,” he said to me, voice still booming out.
    I shrugged and kept on going. No one tried to stop me. Reached his level without panting. My track coaches had lived by the train and pain method. Fifty stairs was nothing, I’d learned to do two hundred at a go.
    “You are not worthy in my sight,” he said. Close up he was kind of icky. If I stripped away decades, he might have once looked good. Now, he looked old and shriveled. He didn’t have old person smell, which confirmed to me he wasn’t nearly as decrepit as he was acting. Happily, I didn’t see Alfred in him anywhere, so I could comfort myself that, should I ever get married to him, Martini wouldn’t age like this.
    “Yeah, and you’re really gross, but, hey, we can’t have everything.” My voice was booming, too. “Wow, you a walking microphone or something?”
    “Hardly,” he snarled.
    ACE is projecting Kitty’s voice.
    Thanks, big guy. I looked around. “Nice view. Bet it’s better from way up top there. So, just to bring the populace up to speed with the Reader’s Digest version of current events, you’ve been plotting to overthrow the entire solar system’s planetary leaders, toss a godlike superconsciousness inside yourself, then rule everyone forever from on high. Did I miss anything?”
    “How dare you?” He was bellowing, but still, Martini did it better.
    “Oh, blah, blah, blah. ACE? Any way you can save us all a lot of time and needless blathering and just show the folks at home what’s been going on across the railroad tracks?”
    I felt something radiate out of me. There were gasps and a lot of muttering. I felt it circle this world and send itself out to the other worlds in the solar system. Thanks. Hope it wasn’t overkill.
    They deserved to know.
    King Adolphus glared at me. Not up to Martini’s standards, let alone Christopher’s. “You are still found unworthy.”
    “Whatever, Kitler. It’s time to pick the successor.”
    “I am not dead.” He snarled at me. “But you soon will be.” He raised his cane up over his head.
    I heard a growl. First one, then several. Poofikins burst out of my pocket, landed in front of me, and went Martini-sized. The other Poofs all joined it, bodies and teeth set to full. I had a Poof blockade between me and the king. All growling.
    Adolphus started to back up, but a new growl announced another Poof. I assumed it was Tenley since it showed up behind the king. “I think the Poofs have a different view, Dolph-man.”
    “I am the ruler here!” he thundered.
    Poof growling increased. “Doesn’t seem like they care. Or agree. Could be that they know there are several options down below us, all better fit to lead and rule than you ever were, as near as I can tell.”
    I didn’t want Martini picking up anything from me right now. ACE, can you make sure Jeff can’t feel what I’m feeling?
    ACE has already, Kitty, since Kitty chose to come here. ACE understands.
    Thanks.
    Adolphus was back with the thundering. “Citizens, you must destroy these invaders and traitors!” I checked—nobody moved.
    “I don’t think they like you much any more, Kitler.”
    “I am the sanctified ruler!”
    “Sanctified? Dude, did you miss it? Your Amazonian Assassin Squad’s been destroyed, literally, so you have no fighting force to support you. Your battle cruiser’s on the way home,