Alien in the Family

sturdier. I stared at them. The thicker one seemed more manly. “Which do you like best?”
    Both jewelers pointed to the thicker ring.
    “James?”
    He sighed. “Two things. Yes, the thicker one. And . . . it’s the one I would have told you to go with in the first place.”
    “We’ll take it. Excuse me while I strangle your cousin.”
    “It’s a common desire in the family,” the woman said, while the man cleaned the ring to perfection and put it into a nice ring box. “It’s worse because he’s always right.”
    “Yeah, good point.”
    The man held the box out. Reader took it and put it in his pocket. Money changed hands. He ensured I didn’t see how much.
    Shook paws, the burlies loaded up the merchandise, and Reader’s cousins left. “You never introduced me.”
    “Nothing gets past you.” His phone rang. “Hey, Christopher. Oh, good. Yeah, you’re a little late, but, shocker alert, no problem because things on this side took a while.” He laughed. “Of course, what else did you expect? The rest of the guys are waiting in my room. Right. Tell him she’s fine.” He snorted. “Well, yeah, but as fine as she’s going to be. Tell him that it’s tomorrow, no matter how much he whines. Humans have rituals. Yeah, more than A-Cs. Yeah. Great, see you in a few minutes.” He hung up.
    “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
    “Yep. Jeff’s out of isolation, feeling fine. Christopher’s riding herd on him.”
    “You know, I could pass on the spa thing and feed Jeff. He’s always hungry when he gets out of isolation.”
    “No.” Reader bent and kissed my cheek, then sat in the chair next to me and put his arm around me. “I know you’re scared,” he said softly. “He’s scared, too. You two have been trying to make everything so perfect that nothing was happening. That’s why I’m in charge of Operation About Time.”
    I started to laugh. “Yes, you totally are.”
    He smiled. “I’ve known Jeff for several years—he’s always wanted to find the right girl and give her the wedding of her dreams. Only, his right girl didn’t spend her time daydreaming about weddings and gowns—she spent it reading Ms. and the Feminist Manifesto and doing her best to not be shallow. None of her close girlfriends are girly-girls. One of her best friends is a guy, and not just any guy, but a brilliant nerd.”
    “And her other best friend is a gorgeous gay guy. Yeah, okay, sensing the trend.”
    “Now, for a little bit of a lecture.”
    “Oh, goody.”
    “All the ritual stuff? It’s not for you and Jeff, so much. It’s for everybody else. The actual ceremony? That’s for your parents and grandparents. The reception, that’s the wrap party. The honeymoon? Now that’s only for you. But all the things leading up to it? Most of those are for your families and friends. For them to get this time with you before your life changes in a huge way. Now you’re going to go into the spa and have a massage with Lorraine and Claudia, so they know they’re still the more special of your friends.”
    “Okay.” That sounded nice, actually.
    “You’re going to relax in the whirlpool with Felicia, Jareen, and Wahoa, who didn’t want to try to explain to the masseuse why they look like humans but feel funny.”
    “Makes sense.”
    “Then you’re going to have a facial with your mother, to have that private Mommy and Me time.”
    “What if it makes me break out?”
    “Using stuff that won’t—it’s the freaking Four Seasons, babe. Next, you’re going to have a manicure and pedicure with Lucinda, to have that bonding over the salon experience with your not-so-future mother-in-law.”
    Looked down at my fingernails. Fighting Moira and Bitch Leader hadn’t done them any favors. “Okay, good plan.”
    “And, finally, you’re going to join your grandmothers, Renata, and Serene in between each of these and have tea sandwiches and other girly things with them. Your grandmothers only wanted hand and foot rubs, and then they wanted to see everyone as they came through to tell them about their fun spa experiences. Renata’s religion kind of forbids this sort of massive indulgence. But she enjoys your grandmothers very much, and she also took the hand and foot rub option.”
    “Why is Serene relegated to grandmother duty?”
    He laughed. “It’s not relegation, it’s her choice. Serene is so happy to feel included that we can barely pry her away from them. She was up first of all of us and