Alien in the Family

grin.
    Everyone’s accessories covered, I was ready to collapse. Killing parasitic superbeings and dealing with psychos and megalomaniacs seemed so much easier than all of this. Everyone else also seemed to be having a great time. I wondered what was wrong with me.
    “Okay, Four Seasons time,” Reader announced.
    Every other woman squealed. “Um, huh?”
    “Spa treatments. Of course, we had to stagger because we had so many, but everyone should be done with plenty of time for the party.”
    “Party?”
    “Your bachelorette party. Mentioned before? Let’s keep with the program, shall we?” It was like Reader had channeled Martha Stewart.
    “Is Jeff going to have a bachelor party?” I tried not to sound apprehensive about this and failed utterly.
    “No.” Reader was ushering. Chuckie already had the elevator, as near as I could tell.
    “So, I get a party but Jeff doesn’t?” The last thing I wanted was him around a stripper, and it wasn’t like he could get drunk. But it didn’t seem fair that I’d get a party and he wouldn’t.
    Reader sighed. “He’ll be taken care of.”
    “How? This is Vegas. Define ‘taken care of.’ ”
    “Tell her,” Chuckie said as Reader dragged me to the elevator. One car, with all my bridesmaids, had already gone down. “She’ll just whine and badger it out of you.”
    “Fine. Jeff and the other guys will be ‘crashing’ your party. Okay? Happy the surprise is ruined?”
    “Yes. ’Cause now I can enjoy it.” We held the elevator; Chuckie locked up; we all went down. The girls were waiting for us, all looking human. Chuckie led the way. I hung back and grabbed Reader. “I want a word with James. Not Sergeant Reader.”
    He sighed dramatically. “Okay, girlfriend. What?”
    “Do I get to plan anything?”
    He gave me a long look. “Do you want to? Truly?”
    I thought about it. “Honestly . . . no.”
    “Right. Can we go?”
    I took his arm, then stopped dead. “Oh, my God. James, I don’t have a ring for Jeff! I don’t have anything for Jeff!”
    Reader shook his head. “Oh, ye of little faith.” He put his arm around my shoulders and started moving us along. “Do you really think I was going to let that slip?”
    “You picked out the wedding ring I’m giving to him? I love you, and you have awesome taste, but, um, shouldn’t I be doing that?”
    “You wound me.” He wouldn’t say another word until we were at the Four Seasons.
    Right before we went in I got the “being watched” feeling again. I looked around without any attempt to appear casual. Saw no one taking an undue interest. Looked for Mister Joel Oliver. Didn’t see him or anyone in a trench coat. But I hadn’t spotted him before, Chuckie had. “James, do you feel like we’re being followed?”
    “Feel like? No. Know we are? Yes.”
    I stopped walking. “Excuse me? You know we’re being followed and you haven’t mentioned it? Is it more A-C spies? And why doesn’t Chuckie know?” I wasn’t at the dog-only register yet, but it was only going to be a matter of a few seconds.
    “Slow down, calm down, deep breaths. We’re not being followed by A-C spies, at least not that I’m aware of. What we are being followed by are paparazzi.”
    “I thought you told the designers we might have paparazzi as a clever ruse to get free dresses.”
    “I did. The dresses arriving, however, ensured paparazzi. Sort of like a symbiotic relationship.”
    “Why can’t I spot who they are?” I asked while looking around wildly.
    Another sigh, this one heaved. “Girlfriend, the really good ones don’t stand outside and scream at you to get a shot. The really good ones ensure you have no idea they’re there.”
    “I know they’re there. I just don’t know where. And why doesn’t this bother you?”
    “Lived through it, it’s better if you just ignore that they’re there. Trust me.”
    “Mister Joel Oliver’s found us every time. Is he watching us again?”
    Reader grinned. “He’s handled.”
    “Chuckie tell you about Security taking him away?”
    “Yes. And we have an effective plan in place to circumvent his interference. That I’m not going to tell you about at this time.”
    “What about the other paparazzi?”
    “The plan will circumvent them, when we need it to.”
    I figured we could stand outside the Four Seasons and argue about this some more, and thereby give the Invisible Spy Paparazzi more time to really get the lighting right for their shots, or I could do