Alien in the Family

nudge my ankle and looked down. Sure enough, there were a few more Poofs down there. “Do they replicate in water or if they eat too much or something?”
    “Uh, no,” Black Eye said. “They’re androgynous and can mate with any other Poof. They only mate when a royal marriage is imminent, however.”
    “Sort of normal.” For a freak world, but that’s what I was living in, so, normal. I bent down and the other Poofs climbed into my hand and crawled up on my shoulders. “I count six more here. I guess that’s one for Christopher, one for Paul, one for Michael, one each for the Gower girls . . . and that leaves a spare. Who is the spare for?”
    No one answered. “Okay, let me ask that another way. Someone tells me who the spare is for or I tell Harlie to enjoy its big, nasty snackage.”
    Bitch Leader decided not to play chicken with me. “It’s for you.”

CHAPTER 28

    “HMMM . . . INTERESTING. SO, let’s see if I can guess what’s going on, shall we? Oh, but before I do, Christopher, I really need Chuckie. In here, with me.”
    “On it.”
    “Why?” Martini asked.
    “I like the help with the conspiracy theories.”
    “And,” Chuckie said, “there are none better than me with that. What, Martini? I was in the back of the room.”
    “Oh. Fine.” He didn’t seem all that fine with it. So much for that no more jealousy promise. “Not jealous, just worried,” he snapped.
    “Right.” Chuckie came in. “Okay, Kitty, what have we here? I mean, other than giant iguanas?”
    “We are not iguanas!”
    “I think they’re Komodo dragons.”
    “We are neither!”
    “They’re giant lizards, Chuckie. We’ll leave it at that.”
    The giant lizards both looked really angry. I picked up one of the spare Poofs and looked at the guy with the black eye. “What’s this one’s name?” The giant lizards calmed down instantly.
    “So,” Chuckie said. “Back to the theories?”
    “Sure. We have a delegation of twelve here. Two are clearly from Jeff’s home world. Two are obviously from the Giant Lizard world. I’m betting the other eight are from other planets in the A-C system.”
    Chuckie wandered the group as I had. “Interesting rings,” he said to three of them. “Take them off and give them to me. Or we’ll insist on learning the rest of the Poofs’ names.”
    They did, and the moment they were in his hand, they turned into what looked like walking jackals who were really into the Ancient Egyptian look. “Chuckie, meet the emissaries from the Dog Planet.”
    One of them bared its teeth at me. One of the Poofs jumped off my shoulder and turned huge. It stayed in front of me, but the point was clear. The jackal stopped its growling.
    “Jeff, I love these Poofs. They are like the greatest things ever!” All the Poofs started to purr, including the big ones.
    “They seem to love you, too, baby. Hope that lasts.”
    Chuckie gave everyone a very evil smile. “Okay, let’s make it easy. The rest of you, take off your image shifters, will you? We don’t have all night.”
    No one budged. “Poofikins? Will you help Chuckie for me?” The Poof in front of me trotted next to Chuckie and bared its many teeth at the others in the room. A couple of bracelets came right off, and, voila, the Cat People were represented. They were wearing leather cat suits. I wondered if they were being ironic or really went with this look on a daily basis. “Wow, it’s a regular menagerie in here. Someone get Paul, please. And triple the guard on James.”
    “Here, Kitty,” Gower’s voice came from the com. “Jeff already called for me.”
    “Good. So, I see four of your planets represented. Who’s missing? Or, rather, who’s from what world? You’re from Alpha Four, right? And Moira and her whacked out girlfriend are from Beta Twelve?”
    “Right on both. The Giant Lizards are from Beta Thirteen. We’d call them Reptilians here.”
    “Wow, sounds like Giant Lizard to me.”
    “Yeah, well, it’s a more polite word. To them.”
    “If I decide we like them, I’ll worry about being polite.” The Giant Lizards still looked pissed. One of the other Poofs hopped down, turned big, and sat in front of me. “I love the Poofs. I want that on record. Poofs are the greatest things to hit the solar system. After the A-Cs, I mean.” Poof purring continued unabated. The two nearest my neck rubbed against me. It tickled, thankfully, not in an erotic way.
    “Thanks, I’m touched.” Martini sighed.