Alien Tango

General Lee, and I didn’t plan to have one either. I kept the wheel under control just as if I were on the road but took my foot off the accelerator a bit. Landed hard but on all four wheels. Bounced a lot and hit my head on the roof since I’d been too busy staying alive to put the seat belt on. I was whooping just like the Dukes when I finally got the car under control. I headed toward the mountains in the distance. I had nowhere else to go.
    “Emergency Assistance,” a well-modulated female voice said. “Are you injured?”
    “Ah, no, not really. Hit my head.”
    “I heard screams. Have you had a collision?” It dawned on me that I’d turned on a live service when I’d bounced. And a live person meant I might be able to get a message through to someone.
    “No, but I need your help.”
    “I show this vehicle as being stolen.” Damn, the Mazda’s owner must not have been able to drive a stick. “Suggest you pull over and wait for the police.”
    “Ma’am? If the police can get to me, that would be beyond wonderful. I’m a federal agent, and I’m being pursued by people who are trying to kill me.”
    “What is your badge number?”
    Oh, hell. No idea, but I could bet Mom and Kevin could rattle theirs off without missing a beat. “Shit!” Had to swerve around a huge saguaro and just managed to avoid running over a lot of prickly pear. Poor car.
    “I beg your pardon.” She sounded offended.
    “Sorry, sorry, my bad. Look, what’s your name?” Silence. “I’m Kitty, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to die soon, so, since you’re likely to be the last person I speak to, I’d like to know your name.”
    “Gloria.”
    “Nice to meet you, Gloria. It’s a long story, but I don’t have my badge with me, and I’m new enough that I don’t have the number memorized. I work for a government agency you’ve never heard of and am affiliated with two others you’ve never heard of. And there are some really scary men after me and my boyfriend and I just broke up.” Whoops, my mouth was not doing a good job with censorship.
    “Ah,” she said, sounding like this wasn’t a new one. “Another woman?”
    “No, he thinks I’m cheating on him.”
    “Are you?”
    “No! And I have options,” I felt compelled to add. “An old boyfriend asked me to marry him two weeks ago and my best guy friend who wasn’t really ever a boyfriend but was a fling asked me to marry him tonight.”
    “You rich or just gorgeous?”
    “Neither. I’m not barking or anything, but I’m not the most gorgeous girl in the room.” Especially if that room was filled with A-C women. “And if they’re hoping for a trust fund, I’ll inherit four dogs, three cats, and a lot of allergy meds, and that’s about it.”
    “So, anyone else after you that your boyfriend would be jealous of?”
    “His cousin likes me. And one of our friends, but he’s gay, but if he weren’t I’d marry him because he never, ever makes me cry.” Like I was right now. “But he thought I was having an affair with a different friend, who’s great looking and has bags of charisma, but he’s happily married and besides, I love Jeff.”
    “Jeff’s your boyfriend?”
    “He was. We broke up this afternoon.” Looked in the rearview. There were headlights coming after me. “And it was my ten-year high school reunion, and he’s the one who wanted to go, but I ended up having to go alone, and then Chuckie was there, and he proposed, but I can’t even think about it because these horrible warmongers are after me, and I’m going to die. And my hair’s a mess.”
    “Why’d you two break up? You and Jeff, I mean?”
    “I don’t know. I think he’s sick or got drugged by someone.”
    “Is that why you stole the car, to support his habit?”
    “He’s not a drug addict! He doesn’t even drink, but they want to kill him, too. He doesn’t take anything. Well, other than adrenaline, but he has to or he’ll die.”
    “That’s what all addicts think.”
    “Look, he’s not, okay? And I didn’t steal the cars to pay for his habits. I stole them to stay alive.”
    “You stole more than one car?”
    “Chuckie and I had to steal the Porsche because Shannon the Toothless Weasel was trying to shoot us. I gave the owner of the Mazda the keys as a trade. I had to steal this car because Reid had me.”
    “Reid another one in love with you?”
    “No, he’s the guy trying to kill me. Leventhal Reid. He’s a Representative from