Alien vs. Alien

birth?”
    “Of course. Months ago. Once Operation Confusion was over, we did the whole official announcement thing.” They were our friends and family, after all. I’d essentially put Alexander on the throne. After the Poofs and I had gotten rid of the old king. “You think they’ve finally decided to get upset about good ol’ Adolphus and sent out Poof Extermination or something?”
    White coughed. “No. I think it’s possible that these are, ah, gifts.”
    “Gifts that scare the crap out of an entire EmbassyentEmbassy? Wow, Jeff, your relatives just rock the giving.”
    “There are traditional gifts for a child of royal birth,” Gladys chimed in. She sounded underwhelmed. “Those same gifts also apply to the formation of a new principality.”
    “We’re a principality?”
    “King Alexander might consider it that way,” Chuckie said. “Councilor Leonidas might, also.”
    “Why send us gifts right now?” Jeff asked. “Jamie was born almost five months ago. Ezra was born over six weeks ago.”
    “I have a better question. Are these safe gifts?”
    “Relatively speaking,” Gladys said. “In the same way the Poofs are safe.” She still didn’t sound enthused.
    “Gladys, the Poofs protect us.”
    “Yes, and God help the person they don’t like, right? These, if Richard is right, are similar.”
    “They aren’t snakes, are they?” Royal gift or not, no snakes were coming into my house. Okay, they would already be in my house, but they were going to be Poof Chow if they were hoping to stay.
    “No. Just a moment.” White didn’t sound worried.
    “Richard, stay in your room!” Jeff wasn’t bellowing, but he was close.
    No answer. I could feel everyone holding their breath, waiting for screams or explosions or something.
    Instead, White came back on the com. “It’s what I thought. Safe to open your doors and open the boxes.”
    “Can’t wait,” Jeff muttered. “You stay here,” he said to me, in the growly-man voice. Jeff was really attached to the idea that it worked outside of bed.
    In this case, because I had Jamie in my arms, I chose to let him think I was obeying. He went to the door, and I readied myself to grab or tackle him out of the way of danger. But nothing much happened. Door opened, big box was there. Jeff turned on the lights. Still looked like a big box. Poofs were still growling. Dogs looked ready to lunge. Cats had come out and were on the bed, also looking ready. Bellie was quiet.
    He looked at me. “Ready, baby?”
    “I guess. Let’s open it and see what kind of scary jack-in-the-box pops out.”
    Jeff flipped the lid and jumped to the side.
    I had to admit, it wasn’t anything I’d have guessed in about a thousand years.

    Yi

CHAPTER 25

    A BIRD THAT LOOKED A LOT LIKE a peacock flew out, screaming its head off. Then another one, this one pure white. There was a card tied to their legs, keeping the birds together.
    This was a good thing, because they both attacked Jeff as if he were the person who’d put them into the interstellar shipping box. Wings flapping, claws flailing, beaks snapping, screams of displeasure echoing. Shockingly, Jamie started to cry.
    The Poofs didn’t move, though their snarling and growling was at the Heavy Duty Kill level. The cats flattened, hissed, then bolted into the nursery. The dogs all were great jumpers, and they confirmed this by leaping over our bed and following the cats’ lead. Whatever these things were, Earth animals were afraid of them.
    “Get these things off me!” Jeff was bellowing now, and Jamie was screaming at the top of her lungs. “Get away, stop it, go home!”
    I didn’t fear or hate birds the way I did snakes, but they’d never done much for me pets-wise, and Bellie was confirming my dislike and disinterest. I was a feline, canine, and Poof girl. Horses and their compatriots were fine. Otherwise, the animal kingdom was on its own, unless I was eating it. I had no idea of what to do, but in times of great stress, I did my best to channel my mother.
    “Birds, SIT!” Amazing. The bird butts hit the floor. “Jeff, are you okay?” I raced over to him.
    “Fine, I think.” He was bleeding in a couple of places, but A-Cs healed fast. “Keep the baby away from these things.”
    I pointed to the card. He grabbed it, tore open the envelope, and read, “Many congratulations on the birth of your first heir to the Earth Throne.” Jeff looked at me and groaned. “They still don’t get it, do