Always Remember

social networking?” Mitch snipes.
    I give him a shove. “Fuck off, Mitch. Saph is right. When you have a girlfriend, you can join in this conversation.”
    “Wanker.” He turns back to his work, and I look at Saph.
    “Seriously, when you see Heidi, tell her I said to give it up. She can stop texting me, stop calling me, and stop whatever stalker shit she ’s planning next. If I hear any more rumours about us, I’m gonna go apeshit.”
    “ Apeshit as in verbal apeshit or physical apeshit?”
    “Whatever. I don ’t care.”
    Saph runs her tongue across her bottom lip and shows me her long nails. “Okay, but I want in on the cat fight. No-one messes with my bitches.”
    I half-grin at her. “Deal.”

JEN

    “Mother fucking daughter of a lame donkey!” I scream, staring at the Facebook message on my screen.
    I slept with your boyfriend on Saturday night.
    I clench my teeth, my eyes narrowing at the screen.
    That’s funny. Because I’m pretty sure MY boyfriend was in MY bed, being fucked my ME. ALL NIGHT.
    I hit send, and nod sharply. I ’ve been at Uni all day, worked my ass off, got given a stack of work to do, and then come home to this shitbag sending me bullshit messages.
    It ’s a frickin’ damn good job she isn’t right in front of me, or she could have a new nose to go with those footballs on her chest.
    I slam the laptop shut, and walk across the room, fuming. It ’s one thing to be told something when you’re unsure if it’s a lie – but to be told something that is clearly not true. Uh, yeah, hi Miss. Boobs-Bigger-Than-Your-Brain, but Bing obviously told you it wasn’t gonna happen on Saturday night, then came home with me. I think I’d know the whereabouts of my boyfriend.
    That, and Bing ’s balls are too precious to him for him to want me to put them on a restaurant menu.
    Lexy opens my door, and stops mid-sentence when she sees me pacing.
    “This doesn’t look good,” she says to herself, putting the Chinese food on the side.
    “She! Whore! Bag! Muncher! Ahhhhh!” I throw my arms in the air, storm across the room, and grab one of the bags.
    “Informative,” Lexy comments nonchalantly. “I absolutely know who that is, obviously. You were so clear in your explanation.”
    “That… thing, your brother used to sleep with.”
    “Again, that leaves me with a large choice, but since we saw Heidi on Saturday night, I ’m gonna go out on a limb here. What’s she done?”
    I put the egg fried rice down. “ I… I… I just… Whore.” I finish, slamming the drawer shut.
    “Again with information overload,” Lexy mutters.
    “It’s a damn good job you’re my best friend, Edwards, or I’d have to kick your butt for using a pro level of sarcasm on me.” I point a fork at her. “Pro level is my level, and you’re getting too damn good at it. I’ma have to do something about that,” I muse to myself.
    Lexy grins. “You rub off on people, Jen. It ’s not my fault if I’m nursing some Jen-tude.”
    “Jen- tude? What, for the love of all things smutty, is Jen-tude?”
    “Its attitude only you can pull off. Therefore, Jen- tude.”
    I nod. “I like it. We ’ll keep it.” I wink as I sit down. “Anyway. Whorebag ex-girlfriend – whatever we’re calling her these days – tried to tell me she was with your brother Saturday night.”
    “And have you spoken to Bing?”
    I catch my tongue between my teeth. “I know she wasn’t with your brother. Let’s leave it at that, shall we?”
    “Please.” She puts some food in her mouth, and looks around thoughtfully as she chews. “Heidi is an asshole.”
    “Politer than I’d use, but yeah, we can use that.”
    “What would you – you know what? Don ’t worry.”
    I laugh. “Anyway, what I ’d call her isn’t important. The point is I’ve just come out of a shambles of a relationship, haven’t I? Because essentially, that’s what it was in the end with Carl. A shambles, right?”
    “Right.”
    “And I’ve kinda rushed into another relationship.”
    “Right. But you wanted this.” She frowns. “Didn ’t you?”
    “Well, yeah, obviously. I ’ve only been making googly eyes at the lobster head for the last year and half.” I roll my eyes. “But this relationship has barely begun, and already it’s like I’ve stepped into a soap opera.” I sigh, poking food around in the plastic tub. “I don’t want the bullshit that goes along with this, Lex. I don’t want the jealous ex with constant rumours,